


Down by the Water

by Promsie



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Character Death, F/F, Feelings, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Sad Ending, minor supercorp - Freeform, no happy ending, reign is a dog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-13 22:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 34,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17496380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Promsie/pseuds/Promsie
Summary: In a society in which finding your soulmate is the highest goal, Alex Danvers and Sam Arias find themselves rebelling against a system that too often turns a blind eye on what it truly means being bound to another human for life.What happens when they meet one day with one of them married and the other being scarred for life by the system?





	1. retrospection a.

**Author's Note:**

> Long time no see folks. If this fandom isn't dead, have fun with this dark take on the traditional soulmate!AU :)  
> Only the first chapter is in first-person.
> 
> PLEASE NOTE: this story contains major character death and has a sad ending!!!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Supergirl. Title taken from "Down by the Water" by Amy McDonald

* * *

 

They always tell you finding your soulmate is the highest goal to reach in life, the best thing to happen to you. Ever. They make you believe only once you met your soulmate, life is worth living.  And they make you believe them. Well, let me tell you: It is all a lie. Or most of it. All their promises about being _completed_ and _fulfilled_ are true. The relationship with your destined other will be unlike any other in your life. More _intimate_ than any romantic relationship, more _understanding_ than any family bond, more _honest_ and _real_ and _deeper_ than the best friendship. All of that is true. I would know. What they not tell you is what happens if you don't find your soulmate. Or even worst: What happens if you're not part of the system, their system. 

The pity, the suspicion, the exclusion. Oh no. They never tell you about _that_. Because once they do, their whole nice and perfect construct of what we call society would collapse like a house of cards.

Still,  there are people out there resisting, people revolting, people refusing. 

My mother was one of them, one of the rebels. Not exactly by choice but because the system burned her when she was still young, and she never got over it. And then it burned her again in autumn of the year I began elementary and she never recovered from that.

My mother's soulmate rebelled because she wanted to, because being told who to love and who not is something she would have never accepted. She believed in making her own choices, in being her sole master, in the ridiculous notion of being _free_. The day she finally came to realize that struggling against her love for my mother was a fight she didn't want to win any longer, was the day my mother got her heart broken. 

Let me tell you a little story about how truly _tragic_ fate can be.


	2. reign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex Danvers and Sam Arias lead very different lives.  
> What happens when they bump together one day and one of them experiences their Recognition?  
> Will the two soulmates find their way back to each other?
> 
> Find out in chapter one that sometimes all it takes to meet your soulmate is an excited dog.

* * *

 

Tuesday is her favorite day of the week.

It might seem like a strange choice compared to a Friday or Sunday, but she has very good reasons on her side. One is that work starts late. The other is that day-care starts early. After she has dropped her four-year-old daughter off, she drives back home and enjoys the handful of hours she has to herself each week.

Sam Arias is not a selfish person, she is just human. And when she feels overwhelmed again by the responsibilities of raising a small child on her own, of being good at her job and don’t forget the dog, then Tuesday becomes a lifeline she desperately reaches out for. On Tuesdays, she picks the pieces of herself back up she lost during the rest of the week. That is until Reign comes patting into the living room, drops the leash in her lap and her head right on top. No one can resist those big brown eyes least of all Sam. So, after finishing exactly one cup of coffee in blissful peace, she changes into running shorts and an old MCU shirt. By the time she comes back downstairs, Reign waits eagerly by the door. If she could, the Doberman would put the leash on by herself. She fastens one end of the leash around her waist and the other around Reign and steps into the mild February air.

After weeks of harsh rain, strong enough to sweep away her daughter in her little yellow gumboots, the air today is warm and perfect for a run. Not that she has much of a choice when it comes to the weather anyway. Reign is old but not less energetic. Together with her daughter, Ruby, and Reign, Sam moved to a quiet suburb close to the city center not long ago. Lena offered her a job in November she simply couldn’t turn down. She said yes before her friend got to finish the question. It didn’t take her more than two weeks to find the route she follows each week ever since.

Her feet fall against the pavement in a steady, pounding rhythm, taking her through neat and clean streets lined by similar narrow houses as the one she lives in. Then, she passes outside of busy coffeeshops and metro stations and feels her body slowly building up a sweat. The first couple of times, Sam looked so much left and right, taking all these new and strange places in that she almost bumped into a couple of people. She learned quickly to keep her eyes trained either on the ground or on Reign, who is always three steps ahead of her. For a while, Sam thought that maybe National City was different from most larger American cities. That the relaxing atmosphere and mind-set at the west coast makes the people here relaxed, too. She was wrong about that.

The first time she noticed the _No Blooming_ sign in one of the shop windows, she froze on the spot. She thought signs like this only appeared in places like New York or Metropolis. Not in National City. Sam hates those signs and always has. It’s no one’s fault when they are standing in line to get their morning coffee one second and the next there are flowers sprouting all over their arms. It’s a bitter circumstance to accept being punished for something that is not your fault. But that is the law. And always has been. Each Tuesday, it is easy to make out the people who are Bound and the ones who are not. People who are walking into a shop with such a sign on display their head held high and smiling do not have to worry about Blooming the second they ordered their Quad Espresso with five sugar and three toppings. They already found their soulmate. Or they don’t give a shit. The ones still waiting for the Recognition are even easier to pick out: they are nervous, jittery and constantly checking their own body. Most refrain from entering altogether.

Sam has always been good at knowing one from the other. It is not like a supernatural talent or anything. Not even a sixth sense. It’s more of a vague feeling overcoming her, a persistent tugging in the gut or a faint tingle in the fingertips. The day Sam met Lena after she found her soulmate, she knew what happened before her friend opened her mouth. She has never seen Lena so happy, smiling so wide her cheeks must have hurt and eyes glimmering like emeralds. Sam tried not to be envious. Or bitter. Really, she did. But the order of The Mark changed human relationships since the beginning of time. And not only between people that are Bound to each other. If you’re in, everything is fine. If you’re out – Sam shakes her head and fastens her steps. She stopped looking left and right because deep down it hurts. It hurts to see all these happy and completed people, knowing that she is not one of them. She breathes the scent of spring in, focuses her eyes on Reign’s wagging tail and waits for the first whiff of salt. The first hint of ocean.

 

.

 

Tuesdays are not her favorite day of the week.

That would be Game Night on Fridays or any day really her boss at the FBI is not ringing her out of bed at five in the morning. Over the past couple of months, Tuesdays became something reliable, though. A day with a certain kind of routine. And Alex Danvers welcomes every kind of routine with open arms because her life usually contains so little. Since November last year, she is given a break once a week from the unpredictable work schedule that inevitably comes with working as a federal agent. Like some kind of miracle, Maggie is given a break, too. She never thinks about fate having a hand in any of it. She never thinks about fate in general. She is not a big fan of it.

Alex snuggles further back into the warmth of the covers and the woman holding her with a content sigh. Being lazy never feels better than when she gets to be lazy with Maggie. She feels how the steady, gentle flow of air in the back of her neck changes slightly and a smile spreads on her face. She lifts their joined hands to her lips and plants a feather light kiss just below the cool silver band on Maggie’s ring finger. They only got silver. Gold is reserved for those who are Bound. A sudden wave of  contempt threatens to burst the bubble of happiness. She plants another kiss against Maggie’s hand and another and chases the dark thoughts away.

“Morning.”

Alex turns around. What a wonderful morning, indeed.

“Morning,” she answers, voice raspy and hoarse.

They stay tangled up in each other for one more hour, counting on experience and that both their phones will remain silent. Eventually, they get up to make use of the beautiful day ahead of them. Alex ties the laces on her running shoes while Maggie slips on a hoodie with the three faded letters FBI on the front. On Alex’ loose tank, it says NCPD. It’s a joke no one except the two of them think is funny. They are half down the stairs in the apartment complex when someone shouts: “Hey, Danvers!”

Alex immediately furrows her brows.

“It’s your turn to handle the trash this week!”

Ms. Stinson from 5A always has one excuse or another to yell at Alex in the staircase. She looks down on her, on them, because the ring on her finger is golden and the one on Alex’ is not. She doesn’t bother with an answer and storms down the remaining steps.

Today, her run is fast and determined. People say good runners run away from something. Alex says she does it because of work, because she must stay fit. Maggie says she does it with so much vigor because their way of living is not socially accepted. Not because they are two women. What a silly notion. The Mark never made a distinction between man or woman or set rules how those genders are to be combined. The only rule that exists is whether you are Bound or not. The most famous soulmates have been men like Socrates, Caligula or Alexander the Great. Not to forget women like Sappho. The reason their relationship is not accepted by many people is because Alex and Maggie aren’t soulmates. They fell in love out of their own free will, married out of their own free will and, frankly, give a damn about the Recognition. On most days, Alex doesn’t think about it. On days, when Ms. Stinson yells at her, she becomes quiet and brooding. And runs faster.

She almost reached the end of the block when the front door falls shut.

“Alex, wait!”

She cannot wait. The deep, unsettling fact of how unfair life can be makes her rush through the packed morning streets. Through the cluster of people on their way to work or to school or wherever, who are all slaves to a system they never signed up for. She passes a bus stop where a small boy shouts excitedly at his group of friends. An aster is sprouting from his right elbow. The soft lilac petals create a beautiful contrast against his dark skin. Just before he is out of sight, Alex sees how the petals dissolve into glittering dust. All around him, his friends are snapping pictures. She rounds a corner and finds herself in a street where one coffeeshop is lined to the next. In front of a crowded Starbucks, two security men are shoving a woman out on the street. She doesn’t even protest. Alex focuses on her while winding through the people. Apathetic she stares at her waist and legs. Large lisianthus blossom cover most of her midriff and reach down to her thigh on one side and the knee on the other. The white, bell-shaped flowers are breathtaking, but Alex knows at what high price such a sight comes.

The more severe the wound on your soulmate, the rarer and more beautiful the flowers appearing on your body. Alex looks away and swallows heavily. The pattern looks typical for a car crash. A fatal one. Where the engine is shoved into the driver’s seat and crushes everything in its wake beyond recognition. With the next gush of wind, the petals are carried away. The woman continues to stare. Blank and unmoving and broken.

These are the two sides of The Mark: It can be the best thing in the world or ruin your life.

At a red light, Maggie finally catches up to her: “Are you ok?”

Alex breathes hard through the nose, squeezes her eyes shut to shake the lingering image of the woman off. “I’m fine,” she mumbles, “Let’s go.”

The light turned green. She feels bad for ruining the morning with her foul mood, which makes her only more annoyed. It is just so unfair. All of it. This time, Maggie can keep up with her and brings her out of her grim thoughts by placing a hand briefly on her arm. Alex smiles gratefully at her. From time to time, she needs someone to ground her or she would get lost in always the same thoughts. She has a tendency to rant. Together, they make their way through the city center. At the beginning of the wide stairs leading down  towards the waterfront, they pass a man sitting on the ground with a cardboard in front of him, saying: _Soulmate not found yet?_ His naked chest and most of his arms are covered in fine scars. A small tin box stands in front of him, which is empty. A cold shiver runs down Alex’ back when she evades him, taking two steps at a time to finally reach the water. His poor soulmate.

She saw a lot of horrible things in her line of work: gruesome murders, abductions, terrorist attacks. She has seen it all. In two of three cases, the motive has something to do with The Mark. In her opinion, the world would be a better place without it. The moment the first wave of salty and tangy ocean air hits her, she can finally relax. The waterfront has always been special to Alex. Some of her most precious memories are tied to this place and water has the peculiar quality of calming her down. The distinct smell of the ocean always makes her inhale a little deeper, perceive life a little sharper. Alex has no clue how much more important the waterfront will become in the future. She doesn’t see anything of what waits for her coming. In contrast to what one might expect, the wide waterside promenade is almost as packed as the inner-city sidewalks at this time of the day. People are everywhere: taking their dog for a walk, pushing toddlers in strollers or reading the newspaper perched on a bench.

“What do you think? Who can reach the drinking fountain first?”

Maggie rolls her eyes: “How old are you? Six?”

Alex wiggles her eyebrows: “You’re just a sore loser.”

Her wife scoffs and takes off in a sudden sprint. Alex can overtake her by squeezing between two upset mothers pushing thousand-dollar strollers. The fountain is only a couple of more feet away and she will not be stopped by the small flock of pigeons blocking the path. They scatter hectically in all directions, momentarily making it impossible for Alex to see more than ruffled feathers.

She swears she hears an excited dog in the distance.

 

.

 

 

Sam had no clue how to raise a dog on the day she found Reign.

Or rather the day Reign was dumped unceremoniously into her life on a rest area. She was taking a break in the middle of a six-hour drive with Ruby, who was doing her first wobbly steps at that time. They were walking in small circles across the parking lot. Out of nowhere, a car pulled up next to them. A middle-aged man got out, dragging a Doberman behind him. The dog was constantly barking, and Sam was quick to hoist Ruby up into her arms. To her horror, she saw how the man wrapped a worn leather leash around a railing and got back into his car.

“Hey,” Sam called out and stepped to the driver side, “You cannot just leave your dog here.”

The man first turned towards Reign, who still hadn’t calmed down, with a hateful glare and then to Sam.

“You take that bitch if you want her.”

And just as fast as he came, he was gone again. Sam stared after him in shock. Once the taillights of the car vanished at the end of the parking lot, Reign stopped barking. She sat on her hints and looked at Sam with dark, alert eyes. She was still too baffled to really grasp the situation. So, when Ruby started to fuss in her arms, she put her back on the ground absentmindedly. Leave it to Ruby, to stumble across the short distance and throw her small arms around the dog’s shoulders.  Cautiously, Reign sniffed her hair and ear and Ruby squealed in delight. Sam’s first instinct was to snatch her daughter back up, get into the car and forget about the whole thing. Who was she trying to fool? The way Ruby clung to the weary dog already had sealed the deal anyway.

That night, she facetimed Lena from a motel: “ _A dog? How did that happen?_ ”

Sam told her the story while training the camera on Ruby who was sprawled half over their newest family member.

“ _Is it a boy or a girl?_ ”

“A girl. I think,” Sam said unsure, “She is wearing a name tag, wait.”

Reign ducked out of her touch as best as she could without waking Ruby up and by the time Sam got a hold of the collar, Lena was snickering in the background.

“Reign,” Sam huffed eventually, “Her name is Reign.”

“ _What a strange name for a dog_ ,” Lena commented.

As it turned out, Reign _is_ a strange dog. The last thing Lena said to her on that day was that she will wonder who will take who out for a walk. Back then, Sam was confident she could handle Reign. Meanwhile, she learned her lesson. Reign is a head-strong force to be reckoned with. Especially, when she sees something exciting. Like pigeons.

“Reign! Stop!” Sam pants, “Stop!”

Her command is completely ignored. Tail wagging furiously, Reign dashes into a flock of pigeons next to a drinking fountain. Because the leash is still wrapped securely around her waist, Sam has no other choice but to follow her. She can hear someone curse. But she cannot see a thing because suddenly pigeons are everywhere. She tries to get a hold on the leash to no avail. It is pulled taut; a jerk makes Sam stumble forward and then she crashes full force and head on into someone.

“Ouch!”

“Uff!”

They go sailing to the floor in a heap of limbs.

Stinging pain flares up in her palms and knees. Mumbling a string of curses, she slowly leans back. She sits on top of the poor person she knocked over. She can feel the curve of a slim waist between her thighs and a flowery scent mixed with sweat  enters her nose. Must be a woman.

“I’m so sorry!” she blurts out, pushing back on her burning palms.

“No, don’t worry,” the woman groans. She has a nice voice. Warm and reassuring: “It was the pigeons.”

“No, no. It was – “ The rest of the sentence gets stuck in her throat.

Time is zeroing in to the size of a teaspoon.  The woman has the gentlest brown eyes Sam has ever seen. They radiate warmth and protection. She is reminded of dark chocolate, not able to make herself look away. Or move. She takes the woman further in and keeps holding that breath as if she is scared it could shatter this moment if she let it out.

Her red hair is cut short and pulled back so, Sam can see the nicely trimmed side-cuts and her pierced ears. Her pale skin is flushed pink and covered in a thin sheet of sweat. Unconsciously, Sam licks her lips. The woman seems to be holding her breath, too. Later she isn’t so sure anymore, but in that moment, she swears she sees how her pupils dilate. Out of nowhere, something cold and wet is pressing against her cheek. Reign appeared next to them and pushed her snout into Sam’s face.

“I’m so sorry,” she repeats, shoving Reign slightly away, “She is the culprit.”

Reign turns with narrow eyes to the redhead. It is both incredible and unsettling how many expressions this dog can show. Sam scrambles back to her feet before Reign can embarrass her any further. They are both standing. The woman rubs the back of her neck: “It’s alright. Don’t worry,” She flashes Sam an easy, open smile, “No one got hurt.”

Her pride got hurt but that is not something she will say out loud.  Instead she clears her throat: “Ok. Well …Then.”

Reign is tugging impatiently on the leash with her teeth.

“Yeah,” the woman says, cheeks still pink, “Bye.”

“Bye.”

And with that Sam continues her run, her feet falling in tune with her erratic heartbeat.

 

.

 

Alex is still looking after the woman, who knocked her over, when Maggie catches up to her.

“Hey, are you ok?”

At first, she doesn’t hear her. For some reason, she cannot tear her eyes away. It is like she is under a spell and forced to watch the woman vanish between the other people.  The last thing she sees is her bouncing ponytail, the way her body moves in the flowing rhythm of her run and a flash of color on her elbows. Were those petals? Alex furrows her brows, involuntarily taking a step forward. She feels the scratches burning on her elbows she got from their tumble to the hard pavement.

“Alex!” Maggie shouts and grabs her wrists. That finally brings her out of the stupor: “Look at your hands.”

Confused, Alex looks down. And gasps. There, in each of her palms, blooms a batch of daisies. Heart in her throat, she looks at her knees. She sees the tiny, white petals right before they dissolve.

”Looks like your mate wasn’t very careful today,” Maggie smirks.

Then she wipes the remaining dust from Alex’ hands and turns towards the drinking fountain. Alex feels a bit like throwing up. In quiet shock, she stares first at her hands and then at Maggie, who is bend over the fountain. She looks back over her shoulder, too, but the woman has long been swallowed by the crowd. Alex is a good FBI agent. She has a sharp eye for detail, is quick witted and no one beat her in a sparring match after one year of training. Connecting the dots between her palms and knees and the way she collided with the woman is not that hard. And the longer she thinks about it, the surer she becomes that she saw flowers on the woman’s elbows. She swallows heavily and tries to get her heartbeat under control. With a forced smile, she steps next to Maggie who is splashing water at her, smiling from ear to ear. All Alex can think about until they are back home is that she met her soulmate today.

But how is she supposed to ever find her again?

 

.

 

Three days later, Alex sits on the couch in their apartment with the laptop perched in her lap.

Three days and all she has thought about was Tuesday. All she is still thinking about is Tuesday. She hasn’t said a word about it to Maggie and thanks to a big case she’s working on, her wife isn’t suspecting anything. She is rarely at home and if she comes back at all in the night, it is to sleep and steal a moment of intimacy here and there. That leaves Alex pretty much alone in her own head. A beam of sunlight falls on the screen and on her shoulders like a lover’s warm caress. Instead of moving out of the light to be able to see something on the screen again, she remains where she is, and her mind gets sidetracked.

Children Bloom way more often than adults do. Usually at least. If your soulmate is a boxer or has diabetes, you will probably Bloom all through adulthood, too. Children, though, scrape their little knobby knees and their soft palms and bump their heads all the time. She wonders what her soulmate must have looked like as a child because Alex was one of those kids who did all of the above. She imagines pastel blue and pink petals against glowing bronze skin. A bit lighter than Maggie’s. A bit different in shade. Her eyes fall to her own hands, her own skin. The only word she comes up with is _pale_. She still remembers the first time she Bloomed.  

She was four, maybe five and sitting in the bathtub at home. She caught her own reflection in a small mirror and let out a piercing scream. Her dad burst into the bath seconds later: “Sweetie, are you ok? What happened?”

With big shining eyes, Alex pointed to her forehead: “Look, daddy, how pretty it is.”

A gazania Bloomed right above her left eyebrow, so big that she could see the deep orange petals even without looking in the mirror. That evening she had been so excited and only much, much later learned why her dad looked so shocked. What did her soulmate think the first time she Bloomed? Was she as excited as Alex? Or scared? Or proud? A cloud suddenly drifts in front of the sun, the gentle warmth on her back vanishes and she can look at the screen again. With her FBI access rights, she checked into National City’s Dog License register. She has no name of the mysterious woman, no number, no nothing. The only thing she knows is that she owns a Doberman and that the dog wears a tag. It might be a far-fetched hope that she can find this one dog among thousands of others in this register, but an intangible nervous feelings tells her this is all she has. A little dejected she keeps scrolling through the list, so engrossed in the matter that she doesn’t hear the door.

“Hey, _querida_. I’m home.”

Alex slams the laptop shut, completely mortified and drowning in guilt.

“Why aren’t you changed, yet?” Maggie asks puzzled after giving her a peck.

It’s Friday evening and Kara expects them in less than two hours and she is still in her FBI outfit.

“I …uhm …forgot.”

Maggie tilts her head: “You forgot about Game Night?”

It is embarrassing how bad of a liar she is. Most often, it is Maggie who pretends to forget because family time is not that important to her and she wants to avoid a certain black-haired millionaire. The two really do not like each other. Alex shrugs and gets up: “I’ll go get changed.”

While she peels out of her polo-shirt and cargo pants, she tries to silence the guilt washing over her. Alex loves Maggie, she really does and that she suddenly found her soulmate will not change that. It is what she tells herself now at least. And as her wife, Maggie deserves to know. She would want to know it, too, right?  Her button-down shirt remains unbuttoned, she takes a couple of deep breaths and strains her ears. She can hear Maggie roaming around in the kitchen. Would she really want to know? Maybe Alex will not find her, and all her worries are for nothing. And maybe that woman isn’t really her soulmate after all. After one last look in the mirror and a minute to compose herself, she returns to the main part of the flat. Maggie is standing at the kitchen counter, laptop in front of her and Alex freezes.

“Why were you looking at registered dogs?”

Something swings in her tone telling Alex that Maggie’s detective instincts kicked in. It is pointless to lie to her. She does it nonetheless.

“It’s nothing. FBI is looking for new dogs.” Maggie still looks unconvinced. “Are you going to stay like that?” Alex changes the subject.

A part of her feels horrible for hiding this. They vowed to each other that no soulmate shall ever come between them, that only death will do them part. And that if one of them ever experienced their Recognition, they would make it work. Somehow. Together. Another part of her stubbornly insists that nothing of it is worth the trouble. In all likeliness, she had imagined the flowers on the woman’s arms and if not, chances are high she will never see her again. She doesn’t want to get all worked up for nothing.

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Maggie says slowly, looking as if she hasn’t given up on their previous topic, yet.

Alex plucks on the cuffs of her shirt: “Then you should change.”

“Alex …”

She swallows the confession: “We don’t want to make Kara sad by being late, right?”

One of Maggie’s hands rests on the keyboard and for a moment neither of them speaks. Eventually, she takes a step towards Alex, her hand slips from the laptop and she sighs: “No, we wouldn’t want that.”

They both know that Alex is hiding something, and she is simply glad that Maggie doesn’t press further. She uses the time Maggie changes to close the website and delete the browser history. It was a stupid idea. It is for the best if she gives up now before she actually finds something, before she becomes one of those obsessed people who waste their life away trying to find their soulmate. In all honesty, she isn’t sure what she would do if she actually found her and if she actually turns out to be her destined other. What is she even supposed to do? What Alex doesn’t know either is that she would have needed only one more courageous scroll and she would have found a picture of Reign, her license number and the address of her owner.

During Game Night, Alex is barely there. She keeps looking at Kara and Lena and keeps wondering if this could be herself and her soulmate. Would it be different from what she now has with Maggie? Kara tried to explain it to her one day but after ten minutes of making great comparisons and stopping and starting all over again, she gave up.

“There are no words for it. It’s just different. It’s everything. You have to feel it to understand it.”

She only really snaps out of it once when Lena sits down next to her on the couch. She is not even talking to Alex but to Kara: “It’s so sad that she cannot make it,” she rolls her eyes dramatically, “Again.”

“For how long are you try to introduce her to us now?”

“Three months,” Lena huffs, “Something came up with Ruby and she said she can’t make it.”

“It’s always either her daughter or her dog. I’m beginning to think she doesn’t want to meet us.”

Lena puts her wineglass on the coffee table and tugs Kara down on the couch: “Oh, darling. Don’t look like that.”

In the corner of her eyes, Alex sees her sister’s most heartbreaking pout.

“Of course, she wants to meet you.”

“Really?” Kara is close to tears.

“Alex, say something,” Lena turns to her seeking help.

“Why me? You are her soulmate. I’m just the sister.”

“You have to start with that now?” Lena hisses.

Alex crosses her arms in front of her chest. Since Tuesday, the whole soulmate topic is a little touchy: “What is so important about her anyways?” she asks to avert the attention from herself.

“She is Lena’s best friend,” Kara sniffs, “And she moved to National City in November and I haven’t met her, yet.”

A neuron suddenly flares to life in Alex’ brain like so often when she is working a case, when she stumbled over an important detail, a hint, the great breakthrough. But just as often the flicker doesn’t turn into a full thought and whatever connection she was just about to make remains elusive.

“She must be lonely.”

“She has Ruby and Reign. She is not lonely,” Lena assures her sweetly.

“Strange name for a dog,” Alex muses and takes a sip of her beer.

“It’s an even stranger dog. Believe me.”

The next moment, Maggie plops into Alex’ lap: “What are you talking about?”

“Dogs,” Kara answers, who calmed down from her fear of missing out on a potential new friend.

“Dogs? Really?” Maggie grins and turns to Alex.

She takes a long sip of her beer and wishes the couch would swallow her. She had hoped by making Maggie accompany her tonight, she could make her wife forget about the dog-incident earlier. Apparently, that didn’t work out at all.

“Alex has been looking at potential FBI dogs when I came home today.”

For the fraction of a second, Lena looks skeptical and Alex’ palms get sweaty then she clasps her hands together: “That’s amazing, Alex. Reign would be the perfect police dog.” She gives no one the chance to say anything before she adds, her face a grimace: “On seconds thoughts …forget it. Sometimes I think that dog is a little devil.”

All this talk about dogs makes Alex more and more uncomfortable because even though she tries very hard not to, her thoughts drift to the woman again. Strong jaw, high cheekbones and eyes the color of dark amber or gold. Her heart skips a beat. For the love of God, what has gotten into her? She pushes Maggie gently out of her lap.

“I’ll go help the boys,” she mumbles and walks into the kitchen where James and Winn divide up pizzas.

She feels Maggie’s eyes on her back the whole time. She _knows_ she should, she should make an effort, but she cannot shake the trance-like state off for the remainder of the evening. The pizza on her plate is almost cold when Kara snatches it away: “You’re not going to eat that? Great.”

Kara can put more food away than a grown man twice her size. No one knows why. Alex pays enough attention to Monopoly and charade to fool most of her friends. The gazes Kara and Maggie send her way proof that they know better. When they leave, Maggie is out of the door after a quick good-bye and Alex dreads the storm waiting for her either in the car or at home.

“Hey …uhm …are you ok?” Kara places a hand on her elbow.

She pretends to have trouble with the zipper of her leather jacket: “Everything is fine.”

“Alex,” Kara huffs, sliding her hand from the elbow to Alex’ hand, “You didn’t make one soulmate joke about me and Lena tonight.”

She pulls the zipper up and stares after Maggie who must have gone to the car already: “Not tonight.”

Kara gives her hand a little squeeze: “I’m here for you. Ok?”

Alex nods curtly: “Sorry. And thanks.”

She is almost out in the hall when she adds: “Now get back to Lena and be all gross and Bound.”

With a little laugh and a shake of her head, Kara closes the door.

 

The storm doesn’t befall her in the car. What seeps into the defined space around them is the calm that comes before. The tension, the crackling, making the air almost vibrate. It’s also in the way Maggie grips the steering wheel throughout the whole ride, in the way her jaw clenches. And Alex has nothing to defend herself. She keeps something from her _wife_ , something they swore would never get between them. The streetlights alternate between bathing the inside of the car in orange light and profound darkness. She knows the longer she waits, the more awful it will be when she finally has to come clean. But there is not really anything to come clean about and that is what prompts her to press her lips together, stay silent and look out of the windshield.

The second Alex closes the door to their apartment, Maggie whirls around, expression dark and stormy: “What is up with you?”

Alex drops the keys on the sideboard next to the door and shrugs out of her jacket.

“And don’t tell me it’s nothing again. Don’t take me for an idiot.”

Alex flinches under her tone. Being the subject of her wife’s anger is horrible in itself but even more so right now because she deserves it.

“You have been weird since we went jogging. Did something happen?”

Her heart is beating in her throat, blood is rushing in her ears. Why does she have to make such a big deal about this?

“You have been so cold and distant and – “

“I met my soulmate.”

She almost clasps a hand over her mouth to take the words back.

“What?” Maggie’s voice is doubling over, “When? Why didn’t you tell me?”

With a long wrenched sigh, Alex sits on the couch: “I’m not even sure it’s her. I could be wrong-“

“So, it’s a _her_?” Maggie remains standing, brows furrowed, and mouth twisted.

It would have been ridiculous if her soulmate was a man, though, nonetheless possible. And it wouldn’t even have been the strangest Recognition they both heard of: the Democrat and the Republican, the gay Afro-American man and the white ultra-conservative priest, the CEO of a Fortune 500 company and the beggar on the street in front of that company’s building. She would be lucky if her soulmate is _just_ a man. Alex rubs a hand over her face and nods: “ I think so.”

Her eyes fall to her palms and she can almost see the daisies again, pure and innocent.

Maggie lets out a sound as if something suddenly clicked in her brain: “The woman from Tuesday. With the dog.” Alex snaps out of it and wrings her hands to not be seeing things anymore that aren’t there. “That’s why you looked up the register for licensed dogs.”

She feels stupid now for not having told Maggie right from the beginning: “Yes,” she mumbles in a small voice.

“How do you know?”

Alex tells her, deliberately leaving out the infinite seconds she simply stared at the woman. Or the way her breath stumbled in her throat. Or the way she felt almost like drowning in that warm, light, liquid gold. She’s already deep enough in trouble. Those eyes, though. Alex would recognize them anywhere.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I’m not sure. And I don’t even know who she is …and …and it wouldn’t change anything.”

There is a long stretch of silence falling between them because it is an attempt to convince Maggie and herself and not a given fact.

“That’s not true,” Maggie says eventually.

It makes Alex feel even worse because there is no accusation or anger in her voice. Only fear and disappointment.

“Do you want to find her?”

This is the crucial question, isn’t it? Because Alex has always, always proudly proclaimed that free will is more important than fate, than anything. She has always seen herself as standing above all those poor souls who think their only purpose in life is finding their missing half and Alex never made no bones about it. She sees it as a personal mission to take a stand against The Mark, to question its rules and its domination over almost every aspect of individual and social life. And so does Maggie. That is part of what makes them such a good couple: the total conviction that life is not fatalistic. That free will is not a naïve dream. It was one of the first things Alex admired in Maggie and what made her fall in love. Now what would happen if it turns out that Alex has been nothing more than a hypocrite all along, that she abandons all those believes and convictions and morals the moment she only catches a glimpse of her soulmate? She swallows thickly.

“Yes.” Her voice cracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) I hope you liked the opening. Kudos, comments and criticism are always welcomed.  
> tbc with: recognition.


	3. recognition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What does it take to find your soulmate?  
> Will Alex be able to find Sam again?  
> And what is she going to do if she does?
> 
> Read on in chapter two how hard the struggle between heart and soul can be.

* * *

 

 

With a heavy sigh, Sam presses a button to turn the speaker off and end the call.

She is sitting at the desk in her office and has done so for almost three hours. She is in the process of completing her first merge at L-Corp and of course every time she thought everything was finally wrapped up, someone popped up with a last minute complain. She is in dire need to clear her mind, longingly wishing for Tuesday and the blissful emptiness of a good run.

Her thoughts wander back to last week and her cheeks turn hot. Somehow, she constantly finds herself thinking about the woman she knocked over in front of the drinking fountain. It is less an active process and more like a constant undercurrent in her mind. One moment she is scratching Reign’s belly or doing watercolors with Ruby and the next the image of the woman flashes in front of her inner eye. And it seems like she cannot stop. She sees this face and these eyes in the shower, at work, and in her dreams.

By Friday, she was so ready for a distraction she would have done anything to make it to Lena’s Game Night. Even after three months, Sam yet has to meet Kara Danvers and each Friday she swears today would be the day. Like each Friday in the past months, something thwarted her plans with nasty pleasure. First, Reign didn’t like the babysitter, glaring constant daggers at the poor boy then Ruby was making such a fuss that Sam had to call Lena and cancel. In the end, she was stuck at home the whole weekend with her dog, her daughter and her endless thoughts about a beautiful woman she knows nothing about. This week, she needs the distraction even more. Suddenly, the landline rings and pulls her abruptly out of her thoughts.

“Samantha Arias speaking,” she says, trying to suppress how tired she is.

“ _Ms. Arias, this is your boss. Have you had lunch already_?”

A smile spreads on her face.

 

.

 

Ten minutes later, she is riding the elevator down to the lobby with Lena.

“We missed you Friday.”

Sam arches an eyebrow: “We?”

“Ok. Mostly me. But Kara is starting to think you don’t want to meet her.”

Her face contorts under the burden of a bad consciousness: “I’m sorry …you know how it is with Reign and Ruby,” she clasps her hands together in a motion to seek forgiveness, “I promise I’ll be there this week.”

Lena twists her mouth and casts her eyes down as if something is wrong.

“What?”

“I told Kara the same, but she isn’t really good with patience,” Sam arches her brows even further up, waiting for an elaboration, “She is waiting downstairs.”

She throws her arms up and rolls her eyes: “Really, Lena?”

The reason why Sam is suddenly nervous, and Lena sheepishly looks at her high heels is that meeting someone’s soulmate for the first time is a big deal. A _very_ big deal. Some people throw Recognition parties more extravagant than any engagement party. Sam feels very much unprepared. Hectically, she checks her hair and shirt in the mirrored walls of the elevator: “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew you would react like this and if she doesn’t get to finally meet you today, I’m pretty sure she will start to cry.”

Groaning, Sam pushes a hand through her locks: “I don’t have anything for her …and we cannot just take her to the place we usually go to …and what if she doesn’t like me?”

Lena gives her a sympathetic smile, places a hand on her arm and lets out an amused sigh: “Sam, calm down she will-“

Her face contorts with insecurity, her voice low from stress: “She is your _soulmate_ , Lena.”

Her friend tilts her head in this peculiar way she does so often that never fails to make her look like she knows everything: “I know. And that is precisely why I know that you two will get along just fine.”

Sam will have to find out either way because the next moment the elevator dings. She spots Kara Danvers right away because the L-Corp lobby is rather empty, and she has seen pictures. Tons of pictures. She is talking to one of the security guards and without really meeting her, yet, Sam knows why Kara is perfect for Lena in every possible way. She is kind and sweet and the bright light to Lena’s dark shadows. Lena calls out to her and then it looks like their world seems to shrink until all they see is each other. Sam has seen many Bound couples: their sheer happiness, their devotion, their certainty. But Lena and Kara – oh my – they are a whole other level. Kara’s face lights up at the sight of her girlfriend and after a short good-bye to the security guy she moves quickly towards them. Sam feels like an intruder while she watches them hug long and kiss short and sweet. She fiddles with her watch to not stare at how Kara holds onto Lena a little longer than appropriate in public to inhale a whiff of her perfume. Or how Lena begins to glow from within as if her body cannot contain all the love she feels. In moments like this, Sam has a hard time to swallow the bitterness and chase the envy away. Lena – more than anyone she knows – deserves to be loved like this. True and real and with reckless abandon. A tiny voice in her head whispers that _she_ deserves this, too.

“Sam?”

She snaps her eyes from the floor.

“This is Kara.”

Kara is nothing less than beaming at her, so blinding that Sam feels the need to squeeze her eyes shut.

“Hi-“ She doesn’t even get to fully extend her hand before the blonde grabs onto it.

“I’m _so_ happy to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you from Lena.”

“Only good things I hope.”

“The best.”

She responds to her firm handshake with equal strength. Lena looks between them with a proud smile as if she just lay down the foundation for a life-long friendship. Twenty minutes later, they enter a small restaurant with warm brick walls and large colorful tiled glass panes. Sam never heard of Noonan’s before, but Kara and Lena seem to be frequent guests because as soon as they sit down, a young woman approaches their booth: “The usual, Kara?”

“Yes, please.”

“What is the usual?” Sam mock-whispers to Lena.

“Double cheese-burger with fries,” Lena winks and orders a salad.

In quiet wonder, she stares Kara up and down. She looks like someone who works to keep their body in shape but apparently not at the expanse of enjoying their food. Sam likes her already.

While they eat, Kara asks her a ton of questions, demanding pictures the moment she hears the words _dog_ and _daughter_. After the tenth picture, she simply hands her the phone. When Sam is almost finished with her Club Sandwich, Kara hands it back with a dreamy expression.

“You definitely have to come on Friday.”

She swallows a piece of chicken and doesn’t even have to think about an answer: “I’ll try to. Really.”

The sigh coming out of her mouth is supposed to show how much more she wants to spend her Friday evening in the company of adults than in Reign’s and Ruby’s. She loves both of them from the bottom of her heart but some days, she says _no_ more often than any other word and has to handle more mischief than she can tolerate. Being around a group of grown adults, having a conversation that doesn’t revolve around financial estimations or the vegan lunch options at day-care and having just the right amount of wine that makes everything light and floaty – God it sounds heavenly. Kara looks crestfallen all of a sudden and she cannot believe it is because she said she cannot come. They know each other for an hour.

“I have no babysitter,” Sam explains, balling up the napkin in frustration.

“That’s all?” Sam shoots her an indignant glare because the blonde has no clue what she is talking about. She reaches for her bag: “I might just have the perfect one for you.”

Sam shoots a glare at Lena now, who shrugs: “You could give it a try at least.”

“Really? I don’t mean to be rude, Kara, but finding a decent babysitter today is like winning the lottery.”

“No, believe me. She’s perfect,” Kara gushes, “She’s an intern at CatCo. My intern actually. And she’s very sweet.”

Kara slides her phone across the table and next to a number and a name is the picture of a young girl with dark hair and an innocent open face.

“Her name is Nia,” Kara says and her eyes glint hopefully.

Sam rummages for her own phone: “Well, she cannot be worse than the girl I found passed out next to the pool last summer smelling like weed while Ruby was getting as red as a lobster.”

Kara looks horrified but Lena dares to laugh at the disgruntled face Sam makes due to the memory. When Sam is finished copying the number, Kara reaches for her hand: “Please, consider her. The others will be so happy to meet you, too.”

“The others?”

“Yes! Winn and James –“ there her head whirls to Lena, “Do you think Winn would be her type?”

Lena lets out a hysteric snort whereas Sam feels her cheeks growing warm. It is one thing to be the fifth wheel because you are Unbound.  It is another thing when your friends try to set you up because you are Unbound. Especially, since Sam kind of stopped dating altogether after Ruby was born.

“No …no I don’t think so,” Lena wheezes, “But I can think of someone who just might be her type.”

“Oh, oh. Maybe James?” Kara asks excitedly, then adds a little troubled, “But he is…”

It makes Lena only laugh harder: “I was thinking about Alex.”

“A…Alex? But…”

She doesn’t understand why Kara suddenly blushes fifty shades of red and looks slightly appalled and Lena cannot stop smirking.

“Alex? Who is that?”

“Her _sister_.” 

“Oh. Is she – “

“She likes women, but she is –“ Kara starts and then stops and then Sam blurts out:

“I do, too. Like women. I mean I do not care about that. The person is important.”

Kara shoots Lena a look she cannot identify. The blonde is quick to shake it off, though, averts her attention back on Sam, grinning from ear to ear: “I like your way of thinking.”

Sexual orientations do not play a big role in every-day life because everything is dominated by The Mark anyway. Some people claim, though, that the free will extends to who you find attractive, too, and regardless of The Mark people began to label their preferences since the late 19th century. Sam thinks it’s a lost cause because you can label yourself all you want. At the end of the day, you have a soulmate and the Recognition doesn’t care about whether you’re gay or hetero or something in between. In her opinion, it just might end up in disappointment if you spend your life before the Recognition being a lesbian, only to find out you’re Bound to a man. She doesn’t want to experience such a rude awakening and thankfully she doesn’t have to. Either man or woman can make her weak in the knees. _Her_ rude awakening will be of a whole other kind.

“Well,” Lena smiles softly, looking at Kara, ”I’m very grateful that The Mark considered my love for soft curves and boobs.”

 

.

 

Their ways part in front of the L-Corp building and after giving Sam a bone-crushing hug, Kara turns to Lena.

Lena turns their innocent peck _deep_ and _longing_ and makes her girlfriend blush furiously: “I cannot wait to come home tonight.”

Her voice could melt steel. Kara lets out a little squeak and hastily waves good-bye. Back in the elevator, they are both leaning their backs against the wall, enjoying the handful of minutes before they have to get back to work. Lena rolls her head to the side: “So …what do you think?”

Sam hears that she is nervous, that she is hoping for some kind of approval or blessing. As if her approval would mean anything. Sam rolls her head to the side, too, until they can look at each other: “She is perfect for you.”

Lena casts her eyes down, pressing her lips together to hide the lovesick smile that edges into her face. Her voice hitches and stumbles momentarily: “Yes …yes she is.”

Sam stares at her reflection in the shining walls wondering if she will ever look like this. If she will ever smile like this. It’s hard to believe after what happened with Ruby’s father.

 

.

 

The next morning, her first thought is to call Nia and if necessary beg the girl to sacrifice her Friday night for money.

Sam would pay her any amount. She calls Lena before anyone else to let her know that she won’t come to L-Corp at all today and then she calls Ruby’s day-care. With Ruby and Reign no one knows what will happen and before Sam simply leaves the poor teenager alone to fend for herself on Friday, she wants to introduce the three of them to each other.

Like clockwork, Reign starts to make a fuss in front of the door and Sam bundles Ruby up, sits her on her small balance bike and takes them all out for a morning stroll. When Ruby was smaller, Sam put her in a stroller and was able to go jogging nonetheless. By now, the four-year-old is too big for that. They take a different route than usually on Tuesdays, through parks and following roads leading them further away from the city center. Sam has to kill some time before she can call Nia and if she gets to tire out her daughter and her dog on top of that, it’s a win-win situation. She is completely unaware of what transpires at the other side of town.

 

.

 

Alex takes a sip from her coffee without tearing her eyes away from the crowd.

She is sitting on one of the benches at the waterfront near the drinking fountain, trying to blink the sunlight away. She cannot let herself be lulled in by the warmth falling through the branches or the gush of fresh air from the ocean or the way everything looks like under an Instagram filter, all soft edges and pale morning light. Alex needs to stay focused. She checks the time on her phone again for the third time in ten minutes. Her eyes flit from person to person, from jogger to jogger, from brunette to brunette. This is exactly the same time as last week. Her knee begins to bounce. It might be nothing and this whole idea would turn out to be a complete waste. She feels this tug in her chest again, this dull ache. It flares up every time her guilt and hope struggle for the upper-hand.

After her confession on Friday, Maggie went to bed without another word and barely spoke to her over the course of the weekend. Alex cannot hold it against her. On Monday evening, the atmosphere was still tense, and she thought the distance between them on the couch was as wide as the Atlantic. That was until Maggie suddenly took the iPad from her hands and straddled her lap; “I am your wife.”

She had a look of determination on her face and her hold on Alex’ face was tight out of fear, not longing or love.

“Yes,” she placed her hands on Maggie’s hips, “Yes, you are.”

The rest of the night, Maggie made sure Alex will not forget that. She can feel the echo of Maggie’s touch between her legs and on her collarbone, where a dark lovebite blooms. It is meant to show whomever her soul is Bound to that her heart already belongs to someone else.

She takes another sip of coffee, tries to wrestle her heartbeat under control and realizes it is all for naught. The mere possibility of her Recognition being only an arm’s length away is enough to make her feel light-headed and queasy. She had to admit it to herself that despite everything she thinks about The Mark, she wants to meet her soulmate. She has to. What she will do after the Recognition  - well -  that is something she will think about when the moment has come. Which might not be in the near future after all. There must be hundreds of people around her, some of them jogger, some of them with a dog and some of them brunette. Something, though, is always off, a small detail or just a gut-feeling. However, without approaching any of the women passing by, Alex knows neither of them is the one she is so desperately searching for. The sun has passed its zenith for today when she finally gets up. She feels antsy and restless after this setback. Nonetheless, she will come back next week. And the week after. For as long as it takes.

 

.

 

Reign is at the door before Sam. She pulls the excited Doberman back by the collar and opens.

“Hello,” a young girl in a floral summer dress and worn out Chucks greets her, “Are you Ms. Arias?”

A relieved happy smile spreads on her face because the girl looks absolutely decent and nice: “Yes, yes. Please come in.”

Reign immediately begins to defend her territory by raising a hue and cry. Sam promises herself to strangle the Doberman if she scares Nia off.

“Ms. Danvers warned me that you have a dog,” Nia says a little unsure. Then she takes a deep breath and rummages in her bag: “I came prepared.”

As soon as Reign hears the rustling of plastic, her ears perk up and she stops barking.  

“Clever,” Sam says while Nia gives Reign the small treats, “You definitely won one of them over already.”

Nia looks up at her with a proud pleased smile: “Let me introduce you to my daughter.”

Ruby is playing in the sandbox in the garden and is easily smitten by Nia.

“You can go inside, Ms. Arias, and have a cup of coffee or something,” the girl says, keeping Reign from trampling all over Ruby’s sandcastle, “I can take it from here.”

A little speechless Sam stands in the frame of the terrace door. Her brain needs a moment to understand that she can relax now. Curling her hands into fists for emphasis, she mouths: “Thank you.”

She sits on the couch, from where she has a good view of the garden – just in case, you know – and reaches for a book she hasn’t read in months. She is five pages in then her eyes drift shut, and she is out like a light. A loud and excited yell pulls her out of her slumber hours later: “Mommy! Look at our castle!”

Sam hasn’t blinked the sleep out of her eyes and is already stumbling after her excited daughter into the garden. Nia is playing fetch with Reign a safe distance from the sandbox: “Oh, I’m sorry Ms. Arias…”

Sam shakes her head, stifling a yawn: “Don’t worry,” then she smiles, “Did you help her with this?”

Nia blushes slightly: “Just a little bit.”

For the next twenty minutes, Ruby animatedly tells Sam all about the sandcastle, which turned out really well. Each of its four towers is decorated with leaves and twigs and some acorns and it even has a small entrance gate.

“How long was I out?”

Nia averts her gaze and mumbles: “Three hours.”

Sam’s eyes widen: “Oh my. Nia, I am so sorry.”

The girl shrugs: “It’s ok. I had fun.”

When it’s finally time for her to leave, Ruby throws a tantrum. Full blown with tears, and whining and making little fists with her hands.

“Ruby, sweetie, Nia comes back, ok? You only have to sleep three times and then you can play again.”

Ruby stops crying and eyes her mother suspiciously: “Really?”

Suddenly, she remembers that she hasn’t asked Nia, yet. Eyes wide in panic, Sam turns to the teenager: “Are you free this Friday evening? Maybe?”

“I have the job? Really?” Nia exclaims, her young face glowing and her eyes sparkling.

Sam nods and the next moment, Nia throws her arms around her shoulders: “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Ms. A!” she gushes. Sam awkwardly returns the hug. “I mean Ms. Arias,” Nia corrects herself quickly.

“Don’t worry. Ms. Arias is my mother.”

Then she pushes a fifty dollar bill in Nia’s hands, not accepting any kind of protest. With a sheepish grin and a spring in her step, Nia says good-bye. Later, on that same day, Sam calls Lena and Kara to tell them about the new babysitter and that she will be able to make it to Game Night. She might have misheard it, but something sounded suspiciously much like a bottle of Champagne being opened in the background.

 

.

 

For some inexplicable reason, she dreams about Alex Danvers on Thursday night.

She has never seen her, not even a picture. Really, all she knows is her name and that she likes women. She saw familiar red hair and warm brown eyes in her dream, though she cannot remember where she should have met her in the past. Meeting someone as extraordinary as the Alex Danvers she imagines is something she would have remembered. But she knows it is her with a conviction so profound, she would bet her life on it. She wakes up in a kind of daze unable to shake off this name and this face for quite a while. It takes both Ruby and Reign bounding into the room to make her fully wake up. Even after she dropped Ruby at day-care and went for a walk with Reign and survived an hour-long conference at L-Corp, her mind is stuck on Alex Danvers. Around noon, Sam gets annoyed because thinking constantly about those warm brown eyes makes her crave chocolate.

It makes no sense to think so constantly about a woman she doesn’t know. That Lena thinks Kara’s sister would be her type doesn’t make it better at all especially because Kara looked like she was hiding something. By the time she greets Nia at the door in the evening, says good-bye to Ruby and Reign and drives downtown, she feels ready to throw up. Ok, yes – she is nervous because she will meet Lena’s friends and family tonight, which is huge. Neither Sam nor Lena have the kind of family they like to spend holidays or birthdays with. Maybe it’s because both of them are adopted. Maybe it’s because both of them have terrible mothers. It makes friendship so much more important to them. Sam wants to leave a good first impression under all circumstances. Chosen family is something you create for yourself, people you chose for yourself. But Chosen Family can also decide to not choose you.

In the elevator, Sam types in the penthouse code she remembers from the few times she has already been in the luxurious apartment. Soon after their Recognition, Lena bought the whole building and moved into the top-floor with Kara. Being the soulmate of a twenty-four-year-old multi-billionaire, Kara could have quit work any day she wanted. Sam has read her articles in the famous CatCo magazine, though. They are passionate and engaging and clearly come from someone believing in a better world. It would have been a great loss for Cat Grant and the magazine to let someone as talented as Kara go. The elevator dings, and Sam wrings her hands so tight around the bottle of wine she could choke it.

The penthouse is mostly like she remembers it: a lot of glass, a lot of wide open space, a neat and clean design. And the touch of Kara is shining through here and there. Bright colors in contrast to Lena’s black-and-white, various lamps bathing everything in soft golden light, the cushions on the couch and the expensive armchair. Surprisingly, it all fits.

“Sam!” Kara shouts from the living room, “You finally made it!”

She cannot help but smile at the fact that Kara looks as excited to see her as Ruby does when she sees ice-cream. The hall opens into the kitchen and the living area is hidden around a corner. The whole outside wall is made of glass, leading onto a spacious terrace and a balcony. Beyond that lies only the endless night-sky and the sparkling lights from the city below them. Kara takes the coat from her and leads her into the kitchen. She barely hears how the blonde asks what she would like to drink because blood is rushing in her ears and her pulse is sky-rocketing. It’s totally silly. Really. And yet, Sam feels ten times more nervous all of a sudden because Alex Danvers might sit just around the corner.  But she doesn’t and her heart sinks for a moment.

Lena is grinning at her from the couch and two guys are sitting across her. Probably, Winn and James. They are eyeing her with unhidden curiosity. Kara hands her a glass of wine: “Great. Now the only one’s missing are Alex and Maggie.”

All Sam hears is Alex’ name and she prays her nervousness will have subsided until the older Danvers sister arrives. The next thirty minutes, she spends getting to know Lena’s friends better. James is a nice quiet guy and Sam is left a bit flabbergasted when Kara tells her proudly that he won a Pulitzer. She is even more flabbergasted when she learns that shy and nervous Winn works for the FBI.

“At first he was my friend and colleague,” Kara pouts, “But after Alex saw him at CatCo and all his potential, she snatched him away.”

“So, are you like Mulder or Scully?” she asks with wide eyes.

He blushes, waving his hands: “Oh no. God. That would be …No, no,” he clears his throat, “I’m more of a technician and analyst. The boring stuff,” then he laughs, “Alex gets to do all the movie-like things.”

Sam quirks an eyebrow, turns to Kara and asks: “So, Special Agent Alex Danvers?”

Kara snorts: “Don’t let her hear how impressed you are with that. Her ego is big enough already.”

Without any success, Sam tries to look less impressed. Can her expectations get any more unrealistic?

“Who is up for more drinks?” Lena suddenly asks. They all raise empty glasses or beer bottles and then Sam follows her friend back into the kitchen. They both turn their heads when the elevator suddenly dings.

“Speaking of the devil,” Lena grins, looking at Sam with eyes sparkling green like sulfur.

 

.

 

Alex hasn’t needed Game Night like _this_ for a very long time.

After spending all week obsessing over her soulmate, arguing with Maggie and feeling miserable, she wants to forget about it all for one night. All she wants is to get a little buzzed, have a little fun during Taboo and then take Maggie home to show her the rest of the night how much she loves her. Currently, she tries her hardest to keep her hands from her wife’s ass.

“We could push the button and get back in the car,” Maggie husks into her ear, “We’d be home in ten minutes.”

“That is very tempting,” Alex groans against her shoulder, her hands just short of slipping under Maggie’s shirt, “But Lena’s friend will be there tonight and if we don’t come, Kara will be mad forever.”

“Fine,” Maggie smirks, “But then you have to behave until we’re home.”

Alex might have real trouble doing that. She wishes the elevator ride would take hours and she could press Maggie against the wall and have her way with her. She shakes the idea off because there’s a ding, the doors open, and they stand in the surprisingly modest hall.

“Kara?” Alex shouts in hope her sister is in the living room, “I hope you left me some pizza. I’m star – “

The rest of the sentence gets stuck in her throat and she comes to an abrupt stop. So abrupt in fact that Maggie bumps slightly into her: “ _Oye_ , what are you doing?”

“It’s her …She’s here …She …” Alex cannot believe her eyes.

Barely ten feet away from her, in the middle of her sister’s kitchen, stands the woman she has been searching for all week. There have been hundreds of scenes in movies depicting exactly this moment, old and dusty and dead Greek poets tried to capture it in stanzas and verses and singers have sung themselves hoarse for decades trying to convey what Alex feels right now. None of them ever got close to it and if Alex wanted to describe it now, she wouldn’t come close to it either. If she had to, though, she would probably say it is some kind of a revelation. As if all your life you have been somewhat blind and now, finally, the world comes into focus, all _bright_ and _clear_ and it’s all because of _her_.

“It’s you.”

The woman furrows her brows and tilts her head seemingly searching for a forgotten memory or a memory that is supposed to be there she cannot grasp: “Do I know you?”

Alex takes a step forward, heart throbbing in her throat and mind unable to form one coherent sentence. The woman is even more beautiful in reality than in her head, leaving her utterly speechless. Then they are talking all at once.

“ _Cielos_ ,” Maggie breathes in astonishment, looking past Alex’ shoulder.

The woman whispers: “I _do_ know you – “ and Alex blurts:

“You are my soulmate.”

In the sudden silence, Kara’s voice is booming: “Alex! Maggie! You’re finally – “ she looks between the four of them confused.

Lena and Maggie are wearing different expressions of shock: one of excited glee and the other of sheer terror. Alex is rooted on the spot, eyes never leaving her newfound soulmate while her face cannot decide between smiling in relief and grimacing with disbelief. And the woman – well – she is as white as a sheet. The next second, there is a loud clank and the glass the woman has been holding shatters on the floor. She is the first to snap out of it - almost - crouching to the floor and muttering: “I’m sorry, Lena.”

“No …uh …” Lena Luthor being at a loss for words must be a premiere, “Don’t worry, honey. It was empty.”

Alex’ soulmate reaches long nimble finger towards the jagged shards, all unfocused and glazed over eyes, and Alex springs into motion.

“Let me help you with this.”

Her eyes snap upwards, turning Alex’ knees to jelly: “I got it. You don’t have to – “

“It’s nothing …”

“No.”

She snatches her hands away, without realizing that she is holding a long shard in her right hand. Her grip is too tight, the shard cuts into the soft flesh of her palm and the blood gushes forward like water from a quell. Wincing she drops the shard. The next moment, her eyes grow wide and her voice quiet and overwhelmed: “Oh my God.”

Alex follows her eyes. From her right palm sprout several small hepatica blossom. The petals are a dark almost midnight blue, looking even more vibrant against her pale skin. Alex looks at her face again: “Do you believe me now?”

Shocked amber eyes stare back at her. Alex feels like drowning in them. A high-pitched gasp pulls them effectively out of it. Alex sees Kara standing between the couch and the kitchen her hands clasped tightly over her mouth. Winn and James are torn between _confusion_ and _uncomfortableness_. Maggie looks torn between flying out the door and throwing herself at Alex’ soulmate. And lastly, Lena seems to enjoy herself more than she should. Her soulmate is still staring at Alex as if this is all just a movie or a nightmare and keeps bleeding on the expensive tiled floor. The petals dissolve and the fine, glittering dust sinks into the small puddle of blood.

“We should take care of that,” she says in a gentle voice, suppressing a shiver when she reaches her hands out and feels how soft the woman’s skin is, “Come on.”

She pulls her to her feet, guides her towards the main bathroom and says over her shoulder: “We’ll be right back.”

Then she pushes her soulmate through the door and on the toilet-seat and begins to open drawers and cabinet doors. They don’t talk while Alex carefully cleans the wound and looks if any smaller shards are stuck in the wound. “You’re lucky this will not need stitches. But you should put a light dressing on.”

“So, you’re a doctor, too?”

Briefly, Alex looks at her then quickly focuses back on the task. The Recognition is messing with her head. She could go on staring forever: “What else am I?”

“An FBI agent.”

In quick experienced movements, Alex applies some antiseptic cream on the wound, covers it with some gauze and begins to wrap the dressing: “Who told you?”

“Lena.”

She shakes her head in mild amusement. Alex wants to ask what else Lena said. _Did she tell you I don’t believe in The Mark?_ _Did she tell you I’m married?_ Probably not.

“I was gonna be a researcher, you know.  So, I actually had a job in Seattle for a while and then, as it turns out, I needed a little more action than just a microscope.”

She fixes the dressing, checks that it sits correctly and smiles: “Look, this is – “

“You would have been a good doctor.”

The woman’s cheeks color slightly, and Alex must gulp. She is still holding onto her hand her fingers are drawing circles on her wrist and her skin is tingling all over. The woman flips her hand, holding onto Alex’ now instead of the other way around.

“I’m Sam …well Samantha. Arias. Samantha Arias,” what could have been interpreted as a trick of light before turns into a full blown beautiful blush, “But since you’re …. uhm …you can call me just Sam.”

“Hey, _just_ Sam.”

Sam lowers her eyes then steals glances at Alex from under long lashes. As much as Alex does not want to, she is Bound now and – by God – the Bound is strong. Sam is so beautiful that she almost doesn’t dare to look.

“I’m Alex.”

They exchange the most tender handshake of all time. It's so subtle their hands might not have moved at all.

“I know.”

It’s maybe more their fingers shifting closer so, they do not have to let go, yet. Alex has a million questions, wishing she could spend the rest of the night in this bathroom with Sam, holding her hand. Instead she clears her throat, finally slipping her hand away: “We should probably get back.”

Sam coughs awkwardly: “Yes, maybe.”

In the open door, Sam reaches for her shirt: “Thank you for …” she looks at the gauze.

Alex’ heart cannot decide between stuttering to a stop or launching into a panic attack. She swallows: “Don’t worry.”

When they come back into the living room, four people are staring at them. The look Maggie is giving them could ignite wet paper. Kara is glowing with excitement, making Alex fear her sister will throw them an impromptu Recognition party. It’s the last thing she wants. The way Sam tries to avoid everyone’s eyes and holds tightly onto herself speaks for itself.

“So, you’re really soulmates?” Kara is _gushing_. Maggie’s face grows darker and darker.

“Can we just not …” Alex pushes her hands in the pockets of her jeans, “Can we just pretend it didn’t happen?”

“That will not make it go away.”

She narrows her eyes at Lena. She cannot deal with the Recognition right now. Not with so many people watching them. Not with _Maggie_ watching them. To her surprise, it is James who stands up, clearing his throat: “How about we respect what Alex just said and decide on the first game?”

She holds her breath, praying to whatever deity listens that she and Sam are let off the hook.

“How about Monopoly, darling?”

Kara stares long and hard and scrutinizing at Alex: “Only if I get the Scottie Dog,” she says eventually.

Alex hears Sam exhale the breath she has been holding herself.

They play for a couple of rounds to which Alex barely pays any attention. She is more occupied with her beer and the way Maggie keeps pressing against her and – who is she kidding – Sam. She is quick to learn why Lena made her best friend her new CFO. The others stand no chance against L-Corp’s leading ladies. Alex doesn’t care how her paper money diminishes faster than she can drink her beer. What she cares about is the way Sam bites her thumb when she has to make a difficult decision, or the way her eyes light up when she snatches the Boardwalk right from under Lena or how her laugh sounds like music. She’s such a goner. It’s embarrassing. After Monopoly, Lena passes around Scotch and they switch to Taboo. While they make a quick bathroom break because Kara and Winn have bladders the size of walnuts, Alex gets up to refill the snack bowls in the kitchen.

“You could just as well start undressing her right then and there.” Maggie’s voice is colder than ice.

She hoped she could have this conversation at home or maybe never: “I’m not going to undress her anywhere.”

“Oh, really? Tell that to your eyes.”

Alex empties the bag of chips too forcefully into the bowl and they scatter across the counter and the floor: “Can we not talk about this here?”

“What if I want to, Alex? Talk about how you cannot pay attention to anything than her since you came out of that _maldita_ bathroom.”

“She’s my soulmate,” Alex hisses under her breath, “I’m trying.”

“Then try harder,” Maggie hisses back, grabs the bowl and returns to the living room.

Alex takes a deep, deep breath and makes a total mess opening the second bag. When she sits back down next to her wife on the couch, she notices Lena and Sam are missing.  A cold breeze is washing in through the open balcony door.

 

.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Sam jumps in the dark: “Jesus, Lena.”

“Sorry, sorry,” her friend apologizes, stepping next to her to the railing, “I just wanted to make sure …are you okay?”

Sam sends her a long look over the rim of her tumbler. Her eyes drift away, over the edge of the balcony and over the city glowing in the distance. From up here, it would be easy to forget that life exists below them. It would be so easy to forget what happened this evening:

“I don’t know,” she says eventually, “I mean …did I have my Recognition tonight?”

Lena lets out a small laugh. Somehow it sounds a bit pained, a bit sad: “Yes. Yes, I think so.”

They turn their heads around to look at Alex and Kara fighting over the popcorn.

“Who would have thought…” Sam trails off.

“Certainly not me,” then Lena adds after a short pause, “Although, I said she would be your type …is she?”

Sam feels her cheeks heating up. She hasn’t really thought about it, yet. What all of this might mean. Pushing everything away at least for one night worked just fine until Lena decided to directly ask her about it. The Recognition doesn’t work like some kind of love potion. You do not want to jump each other’s bones the moment you find out. You’re not crazy in love from one second to the next. But there is a pull and a push and it’s irresistible. And Alex – well.

“She’s gorgeous,” Sam mumbles and turns back around towards the glimmering ocean of light.

Lena is quiet for a couple of moments: “Sam, there is something – “

“I think I’m a little scared.”

Sam hasn’t met a lot of people who experienced their Recognition, not personally. Lena is one of them and for her life turned out to be everything The Mark ever promised. The person before Lena turned Sam’s life into the nightmare everyone hates The Mark for. She doesn’t think she can go through that again.

“Scared?”

Sam sighs, the familiar bitterness and pain and regret wallowing up in her chest: “After what happened with Ruby’s …I can’t do that again.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Suddenly, Lena grabs her arm: “There is really something you need to know.” There is a certain urgency in her voice that makes Sam’s stomach cramp, “Alex – “

“Here you are.”

They whirl around. The person in question is standing in the doorway, hovering hesitantly on the threshold: “Could you give us a minute, Lena?”

Lena straightens up, retreating her hand from Sam’s arm: “Of course.”

And just like that it is only Alex and Sam and the chilly breeze on the balcony. In the blue twilight, hanging between the warm light from the living room and the far off light from the city, the moment feels overwhelmingly unreal to Sam: “I just came to say we’re leaving.”

_We_. Her eyes flicker to the kitchen where the small Latina is standing who spent the evening clinging to Alex and glaring daggers at Sam. _Is she her girlfriend? Something less? Something more?_ Does it even matter? And would she even want to know? Sam coughs to mask the sudden sharp stab in her chest: “Okay.”

Alex sighs, puts a hand in her hip and extends the other: “Look, I know this probably didn’t go as you imagined.”

“I never imagined anything,” Sam cuts her off, “I never imagined meeting my soulmate. Meeting you.”

“I …well …” Alex stutters, “I want to get to know you.”

Sam wants the same. Of course. There is this person your soul is Bound to forever, and you just want to make sure The Mark didn’t make a mistake. She nods and, although she is still wary and senses that Alex is, too, she gives her a small smile: “I would like that.”

Alex’ smile is bright like a star in the dark: “Great.”

The world quietly slinks away while they stare at each other, all wide eyes, curiosity and wonder. Sam has the irresistible urge to reach her hands out and touch Alex. Just to feel again what it is like when it’s skin on skin. Alex takes a step towards her and the world seems to shrink even more. A shiver runs down her back and she cannot say if it is due to the cold or her soulmate’s proximity. The next moment, Alex holds her phone out: “Give me your number.”

While Sam types, Alex continues: “I want to know who you are. But not with my family and my friends and my …Somewhere a little more private, you know?”

She’s rambling. It’s cute. Sam hands her the phone back: “I’ll call you or we text.”

Her fingers slide against Alex’ and neither of them lets go: “Bye, Sam.”

“Bye, Alex.”

Abruptly, the redhead turns around and hurries inside. Sam remains outside a little longer to clear her head and stop the pounding of her heart. Before she meets up with Alex, she has to decide how she will handle the Recognition. Part of her wants to jump headlong into the careless naivety of being Bound. Another part of her is deeply scarred and suspicious and full of scorn for The Mark.

 

.

 

“You are pissed.” It’s not even a question because Maggie looks ready to explode.

“Thank you for noticing.” Her teeth are grinding.

Alex is reminded uncomfortably much of last Tuesday only this time their argument will be harsher because it has more substance, because they are not talking about a hypothesis anymore. Sam is real. Wonderfully, beautifully, frighteningly real.

“Mags…”

“ _Carajo_ , Alex!” Maggie whirls around, all fire and wilderness, “Don’t you dare!”

“She’s my soulmate …I mean …What am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know. How should I know? I’m Unbound,” her words are harsh and piercing and not failing to make it crystal clear how their relationship fundamentally changed tonight. “But what you aren’t supposed to do is drooling over her all night with your wife sitting right next to you.”

Alex flinches under her words and a sudden wave of guilt. “And I can imagine this isn’t easy for you. _Vale_ , I get that.” Maggie continues, “But try to see it from my perspective. You hate The Mark. And since the day you married me, I thought I would never have to compete for you. Not with anyone.”

“You … you don’t have to.”

“Oh, spare me that, will you? Of course, I have to.” She sounds like she is already fighting a loosing battle.

Alex crinkles her brows in disbelief: “Do you think I’m going to leave you?”

Maggie shrugs: “Will you?” Her tone is challengingly.

“No, of course, I am not leaving you. You are my wife. I love you.”

She is shocked to learn that she has to say this in the first place, that Maggie is doubting her feelings so easily.

“But you love her, too.” Maggie goes to the fridge, grabs a beer and pulls the cap off so furiously that it goes flying somewhere on the floor.

“I don’t. Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t even know her.”

“Maybe not today, Alex, but she is your friggin’ _soulmate_ , sooner or later you will love her. If you want to or not.”

“I will not,” Alex defends herself, quickly realizing, though, how unlikely it is what she just said, “And even if I accept the Bound …that …that doesn’t make me love you any less. I promise.”

“Don’t!” Maggie rumbles, jerking one hand in Alex’ direction and squeezing her eyes shut, “Think before you open your mouth and make promises you cannot keep.” She takes a long sip of beer and walks to the couch: “Think before you do or say something you will regret.”

 

.

 

Thinking is precisely what Alex and Sam do for the following days.

Sam has long one-sided debates with Ruby and Reign.

“What if she is not sincere about the Bound?”

She is walking up and down in front of the couch like a mad-woman. Reign is chewing on one of her toys and Ruby is eating dry cereals:

“What is bound, mommy?”

Sam continues pacing, moves her hands in wild gestures and to push them through her hair: “And what is with her girlfriend? Was that even her girlfriend?”

“I have a girlfriend,” Ruby says happily before plopping a Cheerio into her mouth.

“And what if we realize that – What?” Sam crouches down in front of her daughter: “Baby, can you say that again?”

“What?” Ruby tries to feed Reign a Cheerio.

“Who is your girlfriend, sweetie?”

“Nia!” Reign takes a skeptical bite of the cereal and then eagerly pushes her snout towards Ruby’s small bowl: “No, Rei! Mine!”

Sam shakes her head. What has she gotten the poor teenager into? While she watches Ruby and Reign fight over the cereals, she comes to the conclusion that she should probably talk about this with an adult. And not a four-year-old and a dog. In the middle of the week, she hasn’t found the courage to talk to Lena. Instead she is trapped in her own head, spinning on the spot so fast it’s making her dizzy. She hasn’t found the courage to contact Alex either.

The wound in her palm healed nicely and although the skin is still tender, she took the dressing off after three days. Every time she looked at it, she was reminded of Alex and her gentle hazel eyes and her warm touch. It’s been driving her mad and maybe she took the dressing off a little too early, but she has a job to do and a kid to raise and can’t spend all her time daydreaming about her soulmate. Which she still does by now even though the dressing is gone, and the wound started to itch. Each time she feels the urge to scratch she takes her phone out instead, wondering about what kind of text she should send her soulmate.

She has been staring at her phone for so long she stopped counting the minutes when Lena enters her office. Sam snaps her eyes on her friend without really seeing her. Without saying a word, Lena closes the door, comes to the desk and sits in one of the chairs in front of Sam. Her gaze is piercing while she smooths her dress, crosses her legs and leans back: “You have it bad.”

Guiltily, Sam returns her eyes to her phone: “I haven’t seen her since Friday.”

She is not in the mood to discuss her state of _having it bad_ for a practical stranger. And who says she has to accept the Bound? Who says Alex will? Maybe they find out that they don’t like each other. She lets out a long sigh, resting her face in her hands.

“Honey, it’s almost Friday again. You have to talk to each other,” Sam squirms in her chair, “You maybe can pretend your Recognition didn’t happen for one evening but for how long do you want to keep this up?”

“Until it’s not this giant awkward mess anymore?”

Lena tils her head and arches one perfect eyebrow.

Sam takes her hands from her face and folds them on top of the desk: “Not everyone can have such a crazy romantic Recognition like you and Kara, ok?”

“I wouldn’t call it exactly romantic– “

“She took a bullet for you, Lena, after knowing you for - what?”

“Eight months,” Lena mumbles sheepishly. Sam feels like she doesn’t have to grace that with a verbal answer.

Lena groans: “Fine, ok. But Alex is still giving me hell for that now and again.”

“What did you want to tell me about her during Game Night?”

The easy smile falls from her friend’s face: “What are you …”

Sam gives her a meaningful look. Lena clears her throat and now it’s her turn to fidget in the chair: “I think you should ask her yourself.”

“What made you change your mind all of a sudden?”

“It’s not my place to tell. That’s all.”

Sam is beginning to feel uncomfortable: “Is something up with her? Something creepy or – “

“Just …talk to her, Sam. Figure out what you want from each other.”

She starts to play with her phone again, silently accepting that whatever Lena wanted to tell her will remain a mystery until she meets Alex again:

“I don’t even know where to begin.”

Lena sighs good-heartedly: “Honey, like this you will never find out. I know this is hard for you after …everything. And maybe you should be scared and maybe there is no reason to be scared. But I cannot help you decide that.”

“Lena Luthor. Such a source of wisdom.”

Rolling her eyes, her friend takes Sam’s hands: “Call. Her.”

“Jeez. Fine.”

Her heart thunders away while she searches for the correct number, her palms get sweaty and she feels queasy. This is almost as bad as when she called her high school crush for the first time. Her fingers thrum on top of the desk. Lena motions for her to take a deep breath.

“ _Hi, this is Alex Danvers’ phone …_ ”

“It’s only the voicemail,” Sam says a little dejected, letting her shoulders hang.

“Say something,” Lena urges her. She leaves a short message. Her hands are still shaking after she ended the call.

“You made the first step. Now you wait for hers. Simple.”

Sam already has a certain suspicion, but she cannot even begin to imagine how far from simple her relationship with Alex will be. “We’ll see,” she mumbles. The next moment, Jess pokes her head through the door calling them for their two o’clock appointment.

 

.

 

Sam called her while Alex chased a counterfeiter down a fire escape.

She launched herself at him right before he got to the lowest part of the stairs and they almost went flying over the railing. It’s just what she needed: the chase, the adrenalin, the kick. Nothing makes her feel this alive. And after the week she had – God – she needs it. She has been arguing back and forth with Maggie without catching a break. Maggie confronted her with her disdain for The Mark and her belief in free will. Alex countered that she will not let her Recognition take over her life and that free will can exist even within the borders of The Mark. She said time and time again how nothing has to change. Her wife has a decidedly different opinion and it will not take long until both have to realize that Maggie is right. The Recognition is a change that cannot be stopped.

“Maybe we can become friends. I’ve heard about soulmates like that.”

“Nice idea,” Maggie scoffed, “But neither of you is asexual.”

As much stress as it puts on her marriage and herself, Alex wants to meet Sam. Regardless of her opinion on The Mark. Regardless of Maggie speaking of the devil until he might really show up. It’s a calling in her heart and in her soul and for the first time in her life she knows who is answering. She will not let The Mark take over her life, she will not exchange the control over her decisions for blind fatalism and she will not give up on her marriage. But she refuses to give up on her soulmate just like that either.

“Good work, Danvers.”

One of her fellow FBI agents gives her an enthusiastic clap on the shoulder, which pulls her out of her deep thoughts.

“Thanks, Vasquez,” she mumbles absentmindedly.

Currently, she is sitting on the beaten stairs of the back door right under the building where the counterfeiter lives in. Some burger place is on the ground level and while Alex catches her breath, she keeps sitting on the dirty steps between trash cans and shrouded in the greasy smell of fries and meat. It’s making her sick and she gets up, quickly making her way back to the front of the building to join the rest of the team in the suspect’s apartment. She is carefully checking her body all over, making sure there are no cuts or bleeding spots. Previously, she couldn’t care less if she got a bruise or a bloody nose on the job. As a woman, you wear your injuries like medals at the FBI.

Since the Recognition, she is painstakingly aware of her body and tries to avoid any injuries like poison. Making Sam Bloom in the middle of a conference – honestly – doesn’t sound like a good idea. To her relief, she cannot find any serious injuries, just some aching on the side she used to slam the counterfeiter into the railing of the fire escape. It’s probably not bad enough to trigger the Blooming. Next, she checks her phone to see if she has to buy a new one. Again. On the stairs inside the building, she listens to the message Sam left.

“ _Hey, Alex. It’s Sam. I said I would call and …”_ the sentence trails off into awkward laughter, “ _Here I am._ ” There is a pause and some unintelligible mumbling in the background. Then: “ _I want to get to know you, too. I’m free on Saturday or Sunday. Text me._ ” The call ends abruptly.

A little bewildered, Alex stares at the phone in the dim light until someone yells from further up: “Danvers? You’re coming?”

“Be right there!”

With a pounding heart, she shoves the phone back into a pocket. Sam sounded nervous, even excited maybe. Somehow that has a soothing effect on Alex. She is not the only one being a little cautious and a little overwhelmed.

 

.

 

They decide to meet on Saturday morning in front of the fountain where they crashed into each other.

Alex is a little early, but she doesn’t mind at all. The weather is splendid, and she enjoys the calm before the weekend storm of desperate inner-city residents swarming the place. She follows a little boat heading out towards the ocean with her eyes and that is when she spots her. Sam comes jogging towards her with an apologetic expression and a little out of breath. Alex takes her in, trying to calm her raging heartbeat to not make a fool out of herself. Maybe it was not such a good idea to look. Sam is wearing a denim tunic that ends mid-thigh, a narrow dark belt around her waist and tights against the chill of February. It’s simple but doesn’t fail to make her pulse race. The Bound has an unrelenting hold on Alex or at least that is what she tells herself. Why else would she think that Sam is the most gorgeous woman she ever met? She quickly busies herself with the small coffee tray in her hands. She cannot let the Recognition mess with her like this.

“I’m so sorry, I’m late,” Sam is gulping air down and her cheeks are flushed, “I had to drop someone off.”

“Your dog?”

“How do you know I have a dog?” Sam pushes stray hairs out of her face, looking puzzled.

Alex motions with her head to the fountain, a smile gracing her features: “She knocked me over and made me realize who you are. You forgot already?”

“Oh, of course. No …no, I didn’t forget.”

Embarrassment suits her well: the light blush, the lip-biting, the way amber eyes dance with a hint of insecurity. She is not making it easy for Alex. Then Sam’s eyes drop to the tray: “Do you want to drink all that by yourself?”

Alex chuckles: “I may be a total coffee addict but no. These are to share,” she looks at her, smiling wider, “I didn’t know what you like so, I got different ones.”

“Oh, Alex, that …” Sam’s smile makes Alex almost drop the tray. Sunlight is caught in her chestnut curls and it’s glowing and shining: “You shouldn’t have but thank you.”

Alex hides her nervousness by keeping on smiling: “Don’t worry. So, which one you like?”

“You have a black one? No milk, no sugar?”

“Coming right up.”

Sam takes a sip, deep and slow, clearly enjoying the drink: “This is really good.”

Alex takes a sip from her own coffee, asking after she swallowed: “What? What is it?”

“Is that cappuccino foam?”

Sam narrows her eyes and Alex quickly wipes at her face. It’s almost too much to take having her soulmate stare at her like this: “What’s so special about that?”

Sam shrugs: “I just thought everyone in the police force would drink coffee made of printer’s ink.”

Alex laughs loud and honest: “That is a totally outdated cliché. And by the way – I’m FBI not the police.”

Sam grins and maybe this doesn’t have to be awkward and cringe-worthy. Maybe this can become something really, really good.

“Do you want to sit somewhere?” They keep an eye out for an empty bench, which proofs to be difficult. The inner-city-residents-storm reached the waterfront and the place is overflowing with people.

“You’re up for a walk?” Sam asks and right now Alex would follow her anywhere.

They walk close together and talk in low voices, so even among all the noise their words are private. Reserved only for them. Alex has trouble watching where she goes because whenever Sam opens her mouth, she gets more enchanting.  They don’t start with the obvious questions. Whenever they get close to asking anything about The Mark, they shy away from it, tip-toing back into safer territory.

“I actually grew up on a farm not far from National City.”

“A farm girl. Really?” Alex makes a show of looking her up and down: “I would have pegged you more for a suburban soccer-mom.”

Sam’s eyes widen, and she mumbles: “Actually …”

“What made you move away?” Alex doesn’t miss the far away look in her eyes, the way something painful must flash on the inside. She instantly feels bad for asking.

“It’s a long story,” Sam starts but then she lifts her head and abruptly exclaims, “Jackpot!”

The next moment, she dashes away. Simultaneously bewildered and amused, Alex stares after her to see how she slides onto a bench. Grinning from ear to ear, she crosses her legs and puts one arm on the back of the bench, beckoning her over. Alex returns the smile and sits down next to her. Close. She can feel Sam’s arm against her shoulders and a shiver runs down her back. It’s not her fault, though. At the other side of the bench sits an old Rabbi playing with his smartphone. He briefly looked up when Alex came over and regarded them with soft eyes. He mumbles something into his beard she doesn’t understand, something like: “ _Take, der iung libe_.”

It’s a long, warm sigh and she takes it as a good sign and that he doesn’t want to chase them away. But then her attention snaps back to Sam, who retreated her arm and looks awfully serious all of a sudden: “We both know we didn’t come here to share childhood memories …”

Alex twirls the paper cup  in her hands, waiting for her to go on. She isn’t even sure what she came here for or what exactly she wants from Sam. But the Bound makes her stay, makes her be captivated and enthralled and to her own surprise she doesn’t want to fight it off.

“Before we talk about the Recognition …I …I…,” she inhales a shaky breath, “I have to tell you something.”

Her ring suddenly feels like pincers and Alex quickly covers it with her other hand. How can she love Maggie and keep on loving her while her very soul reaches out for someone else?  Before they can go any further than this, she should spill one or two things herself: “I should tell you something, too.”

Sam shakes her head: “Please, Alex. This is really important.”

Alex’ grip on her wedding ring tightens: “Mine, too …”

Their gazes lock, Sam opens her mouth, Alex swallows. Much later, she will wonder if this was the moment that ruined everything. She will wonder if they were doomed from the very beginning.

“I have a daughter.”

“I’m married.”

 

.

 

Sam feels as if someone dumped a bucket full of ice over her head.

The cold settles deep in her insides, making her gasp: “M …married?”

Something silver suddenly flashes on Alex’ right hand and she wonders how she hasn’t noticed the ring before. That’s what Lena had wanted to tell her. That’s why Kara had looked so appalled when Lena talked about how Alex would be her type. Because it doesn’t matter if she is or ever will be – she cannot.

“I should have told you right away.” Alex’ words are drowning in shame and Sam is too shocked to throw her a life-line.

She cannot take her eyes from the simple silver band: “The woman who was with you last Friday …that was your …your…,”

“My wife. Yes,” Alex finishes for her.

Now it makes perfect sense why the woman looked like she wanted to murder Sam whenever she thought no one was paying attention. Her good mood due to how well she clicks with Alex is crushed under a heavy load of dread. Of course, her soulmate is married. It feels like a giant slap in the face handed out by fate itself. The second one in a little more than three years. She turns her head and stares blankly at the shimmering water. And just when she thought being Bound to Alex could make her overcome all the pain The Mark caused in the past.

“Sam?”  Alex’ voice cracks, “Say something.”

“What did she say?”

“She said a lot of things.”

She turns back to her and Sam can see in her eyes that all of those things were born out of fear and betrayal: “Will you leave her?”

A heartbeat of silence passes between them and the cold grows hard and solid in Sam’s stomach: “No.”

She didn’t expect another answer but still – it hurts. Although, it shouldn’t: “She is my wife.”

Alex’ fingers wrap tighter around her wedding ring. In her eyes, Sam can see a struggle she half wishes wouldn’t be there.

“But you are my soulmate and …and I don’t know what that means.”

The fight in her seems to cease and she seems calmer now, all hopeful and shy, “But I know it means something.”

“What do you want to say?” Sam cannot imagine Alex walking out of her life again after she just walked into it. Even though they know next to nothing about each other, even though it would be easier.

“I want you in my life. And I want to be part of yours.”

She reaches out to Sam and at first, she stiffens because one touch will be enough to make her forget that walking away right now would be the right decision. Slowly she takes her hand from the cup and then Alex’ fingers are in hers and it’s too late. Alex is warm and open in front of her and Sam wants to fall into her, heedlessly and recklessly. She always imagined being Bound would feel like being a little more in love than with anyone else. But this – this is different than anything she imagined. It’s brighter and grander and scarier.

“How?” Her voice never sounded smaller.

“Any way we can make it work.” Then Alex’ brows crinkle and she begins to retreat her fingers: “Except you don’t – “

Sam leans forward and holds onto her: “No …I do …I think.”

“You think?”

Sam’s eyes fall to their joined hands, taking in the contrast of their skin tones, their interlaced fingers. Alex’ palms are rough and calloused. She swallows.

“I have to think about it. This isn’t easy. I need some time.”

To her surprise, Alex doesn’t move away: “Because of your daughter?”

“Maybe.”

She cannot bring herself to reveal this to Alex, yet. How bitter and broken and bruised she is, and she is both relived and grateful when she doesn’t pry.

“Do you want to see a picture?”

This is coming out of nowhere but talking about Ruby is something Sam feels safe with, something that fills her with pride and happiness. Something that can keep her from jumping up and running away from her soulmate as fast as she can. Alex’ eyes widen and become bright and alive and suddenly there is nothing left of the troubles that clouded them just a second ago. This vibrant shade of brown will hunt Sam in her dreams.

“Yes …please.”

Sam takes her phone out and shows her favorite picture to Alex. It’s a little older. Lena must have taken it over a year ago, but it holds Sam’s whole world. She is sitting on her old couch in her old apartment with Ruby in her lap and Reign sitting next to them, all smiling and happy.

“She is four now,” Sam mumbles.

“She looks like a wonderful child.”

Sam locks her eyes on Alex’ face. She is enamored. There is no better word for it. She has to ask nonetheless: “Is this …are you ok with this?”

“I’ve always wanted children,” she shrugs to cover up the heaviness in her tone, “Maggie never saw herself as a mother, though.”

Sam wonders how Alex could simply settle on that. She admits that she wishes having Ruby would have happened differently, but she would never trade her for anything in the world. It is not her place, though, to challenge her soulmate’s decisions about her marriage. Not by a mile. Instead she puts the phone away, saying: “She is here.”

Alex whips her head up in surprise: “Here? Where?”

Her expression is a certain kind of adorable, making warmth bloom in Sam’s chest. She doesn’t know whether it’s The Mark playing tricks on her or if she already finds herself falling. For real.

“She’s at the playground with her babysitter and Reign.”

Alex is biting her lip and before she can stop herself, she asks: “Do you want to see her?”

“Yeah.”

They throw the empty cups away and then Sam leads the way through the crowd. This time they don’t talk, dwelling on their respective thoughts in silence. Sam steals glances at her soulmate from time to time, wondering how it could come to this. Maybe she could have settled on someone less than Alex and could have been happy. With how things are, she isn’t sure she can ever be happy because Alex is sweet and gorgeous and married.

“She is on the swing. The one in the overalls,” Sam points out when they reach the edge of the playground.

Alex has the warmest softest smile on her face: “She is really-” then her expression changes abruptly, “Oh, oh.”

Reign has spotted them and comes barreling towards them like a cannon ball, all hanging tongue and wildly flailing leash. Three feet in front of them, she comes to a slithering stop, eyeing Alex defensively. Sam kneels into the grass and opens her arms: “Come here, girl. No reason to be scared.”

Reign takes a couple of tentative steps forward, never taking her eyes off Alex: “She’s not a big fan of humans, eh?”

Sam smiles nervously, finally getting a hold on the dog and taking the leash off her: “I’m sorry. She is really possessive of Ruby and me.”

Reign lets herself be patted until Alex moves an inch and then she rounds on the redhead barking loudly. “Whoa,” Alex raises her hands in defense, “Definitely not a fan of me.”

Sam rolls her eyes and shakes her head: “Oh, you silly dog.”

She straightens back up and grabs Alex’ wrist without thinking: “Reign, this is Alex,” the dog growls, “Be nice to her.”

Then she tugs on Alex until Reign can sniff her hand. The dog pokes her nose against Alex’ palm once and then jumps back, looking unconvinced. The next moment, they hear a faint yell from the swings and after a last bark for good measure, Reign runs back towards Ruby and Nia.

“I’m sorry,” Sam sighs, “She needs some time to warm up to new people.”

Alex remains suspiciously quiet and only then does Sam realize that she is still holding onto her. She snatches her hand away as if she was burned: “So …sorry.”

Alex’ cheeks turn pink: “It’s ok.”

Then Sam hears Ruby yelling for her: “I …I guess I should get going.”

Alex shoves her hands deep into the pockets of her pants: “Yeah, of course.”

Sam’s eyes flicker towards her daughter then back to Alex, who is staring at Ruby with something resembling longing and yearning: “You should meet her someday.”

“I would like that,” Sam’s heart flutters, “Do I see you on Friday?”

She has to avert her eyes because she would say yes to anything the way Alex looks at her: “I can’t say. It’s tough with the misfits, you know?”

Alex clears her throat, scuffing a shoe in the grass: “Oh sure …but …I’d be happy to see you there.”

“Me, too,” Sam mumbles and then she turns away and walks to her waiting daughter.

 

.

 

Maggie is waiting for her on the couch when she comes home.

Alex suspects the calm only being a façade. She has no idea where to start and blurts out the first thing coming to her mind: “She has a daughter.”

The façade cracks with the next shaky breath Maggie inhales: “Of course she does.”

The topic of children has been explosive  ever since it came up shortly after their first anniversary. They argued and argued, ultimately accepting that there is no common ground for them to meet on and in the end, Alex buried her dream of becoming a mother for the sake of her marriage. On some days, she thinks Maggie knows what kind of sacrifice she made, on others she isn’t so sure. Sam and even more so Ruby changes everything.

“Are you accepting the Bound?”

Alex sits next to her, having mixed feelings: “I want to, and I think she wants it, too.”

She leans back into the cushions, letting the tension of the day slip away from her. Meeting Sam was an emotional rollercoaster, all high loops and low dips, and the aftermath leaves her dizzy. She needs to come down, needs to calm down, suddenly finding herself yearning for Maggie’s touch. As if on cue, Maggie leans her head on her shoulder, curls against her side and slides her hand into Alex’: “Didn’t you talk about it?”

She pulls an arm around her wife’s shoulder, holding her close. She buries her nose in dark locks, inhales her fresh and flowery scent and slowly relaxes:

“She didn’t take the marriage-part that well.”

Maggie scoffs: “I didn’t expect her to. Did you?”

“No.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I want to get to know her. I want to be part of her life,” Alex says honestly.

Sam is a mystery, a conundrum and Alex is eager to unravel her. Every dark secret, every silly guilty pleasure, every small detail that makes up everything she is. And she cannot do that if she has to watch  her life from the sidelines or – even worst – not at all. Maggie puts a hand against her cheek and tugs her face down:

“Because of The Mark?” She searches her face, “Or because _you_ want to?”

“Both. Neither. I don’t know.”

She wants to be by Sam’s side, one way or the other and she refuses to believe it is only because The Mark tells her to. This is her decision. This is what she wants. Being Sam’s soulmate merely is a reasonable excuse to get this infatuated with her. Maggie pushes her chin upwards: “You promised me.”

Then she kisses Alex slow and breathless. One of Alex’ hands tangles in her hair, the other glides over her hip, under her shirt, against familiar warm skin.

“Promise me,” Maggie repeats, her dark eyes swimming.

Alex doesn’t say anything. A week ago, she was so eager and ready to promise Maggie anything she wanted to, and Maggie refused to hear any of it. Now, their roles are switched because their make-beliefs turned up in Kara’s and Lena’s apartment, breathing and talking and very much alive. Alex can’t make promises she cannot keep. Not to Maggie. She could never forgive herself. Instead, she presses her further into the cushions and leans in again.

 

.

 

On Monday, Sam strides into Lena’s office all determination and barely repressed anger.

“Hey, how did it go with – “ Lena cuts herself off at the sight of her expression.

“She is _married_?” She slams her hands on top of the desk, making Lena jump, “She is married, and you didn’t tell me?”

Lena quickly regains her composure: “I told you. It was not my place.”

Squeezing her eyes shut, Sam falls into one of the expensive office chairs: “A little warning would have been nice.”

“Aside from that. How did it go?”

“Aside from …for God’s sake, Lena!” Sam exclaims, springing up from the chair again. There is too much energy in her, too much tension to keep still for long.

“There is nothing aside form the fact that she is married.”

“So …you’re not going to accept the Bound?”

Sam shoots her a fiery glare, not caring about how dejected Lena seems: “I’m not some home wrecker and I’m not the _other_ woman.”

Then she falls onto the couch, sighing in defeat.

“Who said you have to be?”

Memories bubble up in Sam, sudden and sharp and her throat constricts so much she can barely breathe: “I cannot endure that again, Lena. I …I just can’t.”

Lena looks at her with a mix of compassion and pity and joins her on the couch: “It doesn’t have to be like that.”

Sam tilts her head:” I am not going to ask her to leave her wife.”

“Maybe you should.”

She crinkles her brows: “Why? Is she unhappy?”

Lena averts her eyes, playing with the ring on her right thumb: “Not that I know of.”

“Then why would you say that?”

“Because you are perfect for each other.”

“Lena …”

This is not the kind of encouragement she needs from her best friend right now. Lena should tell her to keep her hands off a heart that is already taken.

“I know you. And I know her. You two would be …”

“Stop, ok?”

She isn’t angry, not really but Lena knows everything that happened with Ruby’s father and she should know that those scars run deep: “I get that you don’t like her wife. For whatever reason but I’m not going to destroy Alex’ marriage because of …because of ...”

“The Mark?”

Sam stares at her, face growing tense and hard: “It destroyed my life. And I’m not going to let it destroy hers.”

Lena presses her lips together, not able to hold Sam’s intense gaze any longer: “Are you’re just going to walk away from her? You’re not going to accept the Bound?”

Sam falls back against the couch, closing her eyes and breathing deep through her nose. _That’s what I should do. Right?_

“Even if I wanted to, I don’t think the Bound would let me walk anywhere.”

“So …?”

The question hangs in the air like heavy smoke. _Yeah. What now?_

“Maybe we can start out as friends.”

Lena places a hand on her knee and Sam opens her eyes again: “That would be something, right?”

She rests her head against Lena’s shoulder, mumbling in a small voice: “She is so sweet and gorgeous.”

“She is, isn’t she?” Lena hums, rubbing a hand up and down Sam’s shoulder.

“I just don’t know if it’s real. I met her two times and I already cannot imagine her not being in my life anymore,” her eyes dance with fear and unease, “How did you know it was real with Kara?”

Lena gets this soft look in her eyes she always has when she thinks about her soulmate: “I fell in love with her long before the Recognition. When it happened it just clicked,” her lips stretch into a self-conscious smile, “It just put everything into perspective.”

 

.

 

“What do you mean I cannot throw you a Recognition party?” Kara looks like someone canceled Christmas.

Alex feels like taking one of the cushions from the couch and scream into it: “Do I really have to spell it out for you?” She waves her right hand to spell it out non-verbally.

“Ok, ok. I get it,” Kara hands her the pizza, pouting heavily, and sits down next to her.

“Don’t look like that. You already threw my engagement party and my bachelorette party and probably a bunch of other parties.”

Kara takes a large bite and chews aggressively: “It’s not the same,” she takes another bite, “You found your soulmate, Alex, I mean …” she puts the slice down, “Aren’t you at least a little bit happy?”

Alex flicks olives from her own slice: “You know what I think about The Mark. It’s – “

“The root of evil, the scourge of mankind – yeah, yeah, yeah.”

Alex puts the pizza box on the coffee table and reaches for her beer: “It’s oppressive and fatalistic and it hurts people.”

“It’s not all bad. You know that.”

“It’s bad enough, Kara,” Alex huffs, “Do I have to remind you about the fascist who killed the whole family of his son’s soulmate because they were black?”

“Don’t start with that again – “

She has to, though, because this is what The Mark is responsible for: too many dead innocents, too many tragic stories.

“Or the Holden Securities Bombing from 2015? The Pure Mating Alliance? Gardeners? The – “

“Enough!” Kara hisses, “There are bad people out there doing bad things because of The Mark. Everyone knows that but that is not everything there is to it. Look at Lena and me. Look at  Eliza and Jeremiah.”

“Yeah and look where that left mom. She never recovered from the day of that accident.”

“None of us did, Alex, I lost a parent, too. Both of them actually.”

Alex presses her forehead against the cool beer bottle: “I’m sorry …I shouldn’t have.”

They are quiet for a while. Alex drinks her beer and Kara eats half of the pizza.

“Don’t you at least want to give it a try?”

“I do,” Alex sighs, rubbing a hand over her face, “I do. But I have to think about Maggie, too. And Sam. I cannot make this decision alone.”

“Does Sam not want to …”

“I don’t know,” Alex shrugs, shaking her head, “As soon as she heard that I’m married she got …I don’t know. She said she has to think about it and all I can do is wait.” Frustrated, she rips the label from the beer bottle and tosses it onto the table.

“And what do you want?”

“It’s not only about what I want.”

“If it was an idle world. If things were simple. What would you want?”

Kara always knows how to ask the right questions. It’s what makes her such a good reporter and such a good sister. And Alex was always bad at lying to her.

“I want to know what she is like. I want to meet her daughter and get her dog to like me. I want to know what she looks like first thing in the morning and right before she falls asleep.”

“And you think that is too much to ask?”

Kara feels for her, she can see it in her eyes and in the way, she presses her lips together and how she thinks she knows the right answer. And Alex loves her for it but for Kara life is always sunshine and rainbows and unwavering optimism. Even after loosing her parents, even though she sees all the evil and wretched and broken of the world in her line of work. She never fails to see the good in everything and everyone. Whereas Alex sees the world with bitter realism. And that is why her answer is:

“Maybe it is too much to ask.”

Kara pulls her into a warm hug: “Give each other time. You’ll see everything will work out just fine.”

Neither of them suspects how everything will end in blood and tears and thunder.

 

.

 

Sam isn’t there on Friday and Alex half expects Lena to tell her that she never wants to see her again.

It leaves a hollow ache in her chest. One she tries to silence with all her strength because not being able to see Sam again should not feel like someone plunged a knife into her heart. It’s ridiculous and stupid but the feeling is there. The call she gets two days later, therefore, comes as a total surprise. She almost drops the phone. Sam wants to meet her for coffee on Tuesday morning and Alex never agreed to anything faster in her life. The Bound wrapped its strings tight around her heart and soul. Maggie lets her go. Reluctantly but she lets her go.

“Promise me you come back home,” she says while Alex laces her boots.

Again, Alex doesn’t know what to say. This is a promise she should be able to make. Depending on the outcome of her meeting with Sam, she sees herself in a bar afterwards in the arms of Whisky or Scotch and not in Maggie’s. One hand on the door, she looks at her wife and takes a deep breath: “I promise.”

 

.

 

She just parked the Ducati in front of the address Sam gave her when her phone beeps.

“ _I’m upstairs_ ,” the short message reads.

Alex slides the phone back in her leather jacket. The coffeeshop is tucked away between large modern buildings and, although it is not exactly unremarkable, one could easily miss it. It’s one of those places you go because you know them, one of those places you find by accident on a rainy October day and that isn’t advertised on TripAdvisor or Thrillist.

A clear bell rings when she enters, and her eyes need a second to adjust to the twilight inside compared to the blazing sunshine outside. Thick carpet muffles her steps as she takes in dark leather couches and worn out wooden chairs with velvet cushioning. Behind the counter a guy looks up briefly, who could have stepped straight out of a time machine coming from the twenties. Old black and white pictures line the walls giving her an even stronger impression that she fell into another decade. A semi-spiral staircase tucked away in the far-right corner leads upstairs and after a quick nod to the barista, Alex heads towards it. There weren’t many people downstairs but up here is seemingly no one. Most of the outer wall is taken up by a circle-top window and the room presents itself in stark silhouettes at first.

“Hey, Alex,” a voice sounds from the left, “I’m here.”

Before, she could pretend to have herself halfway under control. She was able to convince herself that this meeting will be less important than it might actually is. Now, she realizes how foolish she was because as soon as she hears Sam’s voice, all her security crumbles, and her pulse quickens, and the ache returns. She braces herself against the Bound pulling its strings.

“Interesting place you picked,” she says instead of a greeting.

Sam sits in an old armchair, whose green cushioning definitely has seen better days. On a low coffee table stands a half-empty espresso cup and next to that a burgundy Chesterfield that Alex slowly sits on. Sam’s eyes wander through the room: “It’s cozy and quiet.”

What she means is that it is private.

“Did you wait long?” Alex is brimming with nervous energy and the urge to flat out ask what decision Sam’s thinking in the past days led to.

“No, I just arrived.”

She presses her lips together to not ask about the espresso. An awkward tension hangs between them and she rubs her hands over her thighs to release some of the nervous energy. Alex is not the best at sharing feelings, she has never been. Even less when she doesn’t even know what she is feeling. She is wrestling with the Bound and good old common sense and it’s already a tight draw without Sam sitting right in front of her. Maybe she is just as nervous as Alex because she hasn’t been able to look at her for more than a handful of seconds before averting her eyes again. Alex tries to come up with something to break the ice, anything to relief them from this charged atmosphere, allowing them to slip back into the kind of easy conversation they had during their first meeting. She just made up her mind when the barista appears next to their table.

“Can I get you anything?"

Alex jumps slightly because she has been so caught up in staring at Sam’s collarbone poking out from between the low collar of her shirt: “A …uhm …a cappuccino that’s all.”

The guy nods, turning his attention to Sam: “Another one for you?”

Sam’s eyes fly between the espresso cup and Alex, her cheeks coloring slightly. She clears her throat: “Yes. Please.”

Alex decides to not call her out on the blatant lie. There is no need to make things more uncomfortable than they already are. He leaves them alone again after taking the small cup.

“What did you decide?”

Sam crosses her arms in front of her chest and leans back: “You come right to the point.”

Alex wrings her hands, pushes hair out of her face and swallows the reproach: “There’s no point in small-talk if I leave again in ten minutes.” It slipped out anyway.

“Wait,” Sam leans forward, looking confused, “Why are you leaving again? You just came.”

She rolls her eyes: “Look, I can imagine just fine what you decided. Being in an Unbound-Marriage doesn’t make me the best soulmate and – “

“Alex, wait a second,” Sam holds her hands out to calm her down, “You think I will reject you?”

Now, Alex crosses her arms in front of her chest and stares defensively out of the window: “Well, aren’t you?”

“No.”

“I mean, the way you reacted when you heard about Maggie and then you didn’t show at Game Night and – “ Alex freezes mid-sentence.

_Oh._

Slowly, she turns her head back to Sam, who can’t hide her nervousness at all anymore. It’s pouring out of her jittery amber eyes and is all in all pretty obvious at this point. “No?”

Sam bites her lip and Alex swears her heart stops beating: “I want to accept the Bound.”

Her mouth falls open slightly. Ok, this is not what she expected after how their conversation started: “You – “

“One cappuccino and one espresso.”

This barista has the worst timing in the history of baristas. Alex feels the need to physically compliment him back downstairs.

“Thank you,” Sam says, giving him a tight smile. He seems to walk away extra slowly.

“You want to accept the Bound? Really?”

For the first time today, Sam looks relaxed: “Yes, I do. The circumstances aren’t the best,” she gestures between Alex and herself, “With you being married and I have Ruby and–“

“I love your daughter,” the moment the words leave her mouth, her cheeks grow hot, “I mean I will love her,” she splutters.

Sam looks clearly amused: “I like your optimism,” then her face grows serious again, “But we need to settle on some ground rules.”

“Yes, of course. Anything.” _Anything to keep you in my life_.

“First,” Sam claps her hands, “We are not in love. The Bound maybe has other plans but we’re not even friends, yet.”

Alex shakes the feeling off that being in love with Sam wouldn’t be so bad: “I would like to change that. Become friends.”

“And I want you to be honest with Maggie.”

Alex chokes on her cappuccino. “Sorry …what?”

Sam plays with the simple watch around her right wrist, without looking at her: “I have no intention of getting between you two. In whatever way. And I don’t want you trying to drag me there.”

“What are you …?”

Sam’s face twists and tightens: “I’m not a secret you can hide, and neither am I an affair. I’m your soulmate, Alex.”

Behind these words hides a whole, dark story, that she is sure of. She is also sure that she isn’t allowed to ask for this story, yet.

“Why would I ever hide you?” A shy smile spreads on Sam’s face and Alex notices how much she likes to see her blush: “What else?”

 

.

 

“When are you going to meet Ruby?” Kara asks through a mouth-full of fries.

Alex listlessly pushes a fry of her own through the  last specks of ketchup. She is not hungry, even though, it is pretty late for lunch. A hundred questions run through her mind and a hundred more feelings through her heart: “I’m not sure,” she mumbles, “We’ll take it slow.”

“Can I throw you a Recognition party now?”

“Kara …”

Her sister groans, pushing her chair back: “You’re no fun. I’m getting more ketchup.”

Alex and Lena look after her and when she is out of earshot, Lena says in a soft, low voice: “You must be gentle with her.”

Alex can feel her eyes on her, opting to hide her face in the palm of her hand. She will play by whatever rules Sam sets for them. So far, their ideas of how they want to handle the Recognition match. What happens when one of them starts to want something more, something else is nothing Alex is racking her brain over at this point.

“If you break her heart, I will hunt you forever.”

She peers over the edge of her hand, not doubting one thing Lena says. You don’t want to make a Luthor your enemy. Especially, when it comes to something a Luthor cherishes. She nods, drowning the remaining fries in the new ketchup Kara brought.

“And Maggie?” Her sister asks, taking the bottle from her hands.

Alex sends death threats across the table with her eyes.

“Oh, come on. You have to talk about this.”

“I don’t,” she throws a handful of fries into her mouth.

“If you rather have me leave,” Lena mumbles unsure, eyes flitting between the sisters.

“Don’t be silly,” Kara grabs her hand, “You’re family and honestly you know Sam best of us.”

Alex hectically searches for a waitress, so she can pay and leave this hell of a conversation. This is hard enough to handle on her own she doesn’t have to talk about it on top of it.

“Don’t even think about it,” Kara warns her, “You don’t get to bottle this up.”

Alex crosses her arms and furrows her brows and presses her lips together.

“Kara …darling …maybe you should let her be.”

“No, she doesn’t get to shut me out.”

Suddenly, Alex bursts with anger: “You have no idea what this is like. You had the perfect Recognition. You have the perfect Bound. I have a giant fucking mess,” She smacks her hands so hard on the table that the glasses clink, “I love Maggie and I know how much it hurts her that I have a soulmate now,” she takes a deep breath, “But every time I look at Sam, the Bound makes me forget about everything else and it’s _so_ hard to fight that.”

Kara swallows, looking ten kinds of guilty: “Alex …”

“You have no idea. None.”

Then she gets up and storms out of Noonan’s.

 

.

 

Game Night arrives faster than Alex would have liked.

Sam promised to make arrangements this week, so she could be there, but part of Alex dreads her wife and her soulmate meeting again. And although the anger subsided and blew over, small parts of it are still simmering inside mixed with a nasty dose of envy of Kara and Lena.

“Are you sure she will come?”

Maggie is rolling up the sleeves of her plaid whereas Alex just stepped out of the shower. She had to go dumpster diving today for the missing person’s case of a baby. After the money transfer went about as successful as the Titanic crossing the Atlantic, chances are high the kid is dead. Chances are always high the kid turns up dead. She had a lump in her throat the whole day and each time they opened a new dumpster, Ruby’s name flashed in her mind.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“You’ll be driving,” Maggie grumbles, opening first the fridge and then a beer.

“Are you sure you can handle her being there?” It’s easier to hear Maggie saying _no_ than constantly thinking about dead children.

“We’re all adults, right?” Maggie puts the beer on the counter and walks over to where Alex stands between the closet and the bed, “And it’s not her fault that she is your soulmate.”

She steps right in front of her, reaching for the towel. It pools around Alex’ feet while Maggie places her hands on her hips. She kisses along her jaw, making Alex draw in a shaky breath: “I can handle her being there.”

Her mouth inches closer to Alex’ parted lips and her fingers travel lower and lower, “I can handle her because I know you will go home with me,” she kisses Alex hard, tugging on her bottom lip before leaning back, “You will take me to this bed,” Her fingers dip between Alex’ warm folds and she has to steady herself against her wife’s smaller frame:

“M …Maggie.”

“You will fuck me,” Maggie pushes her finger up and Alex moans helplessly into her shoulder, “And not her.”

 

.

 

Sam is on her second glass of wine before her soulmate even arrives.

Seeing Alex again on Tuesday was hard enough, seeing Maggie again is a kind of uncomfortable she hasn’t experienced in a long time. She is sitting on the couch, next to Lena and Kara, not hearing anything of what they say because her eyes are glued to the front-door she can only just see from her place. Her heart thumps loud like thunder when the elevator dings and plummets straight into her stomach when she realizes it is only James and Winn.

“Do you want a Recognition party?”

This attracts her attention: “Sorry …what?”

“She already asked Alex a hundred times and now hopes you are on her side,” Lena explains.

Sam chews briefly on her bottom lip. Alex has good reasons to deny her sister this wish, and she can only agree with her: “I don’t think that would be such a good idea.”

Kara’s shoulders slump: “That’s what she keeps telling me, too and I get it. I really do,” She adjusts her glasses and shrugs a little, “But what I don’t get is why you two are so against celebrating that you found each other.”

“Maybe because both of us have …some troubles with The Mark. And Maggie …” pain wells up in her heart, “Maggie deserves better than being humiliated like that.”

“You must really like her.”

Lena makes a sound as if she choked on a cough: “I wouldn’t say that, but Sam has her reasons.”

She wants to pinch Lena. Yes, she wants to spare Maggie this pain but not because she particularly likes her – no – because she knows this pain. _Well_ _and_ _intimately_. And it’s definitely not something she intends to open up about during Game Night with James and Winn coming clamoring down the hall.

“We start out as jogging partners. Maybe she gets to meet Ruby. Maybe we can become friends. That’s it.”

Kara looks even more unconvinced than Lena, but the boys save Sam from having to endure this conversation any longer. For a while, she can distract herself with wine and idle chatter. But just when they are arguing about starting Jenga without Alex and Maggie, the elevator dings again. Her first instinct is to jump and greet her soulmate by the door, which is absolutely silly of course and probably due to a mixture of the Bound and the wine.

“I’m sorry, we’re late,” Alex apologizes without sounding all that sorry before plopping in one of the armchairs. The smug smile Maggie tries to hide and the pink hue on Alex’ cheeks says all Sam needs to know. This is not the kind of information she wanted to hear, and she fills her glass again.

“What are we playing?” Maggie asks, squeezing next to Alex on the chair.

“Jenga,” Winn says, whining slightly.

Alex’ eyes light up, a grin spreads across her face and Sam almost forgets to swallow her wine. Her excitement is adorable. _Are those dimples even legal?_

“You’re so on!” Alex grins and Kara rolls up her sleeves.

Turns out the Danvers sisters take Jenga very seriously. The first to make the tower crumble is Winn then it is Sam. Usually she is better with her hands, but the alcohol does one thing and Alex’ watchful eyes another. She is too nervous to put anything successfully on top of each other right now. It may be for the best because without having to concentrate on the game she can shamelessly steal glances at her soulmate. Or maybe not that shameless because the closer Maggie and Alex inch on the chair, the tighter does her chest become. It is easier said than done starting out as friends.

If she fancied falling for Alex at some vague point in the distant future, she imagined it being a slow and smooth easing into it. Not this free-fall that makes her stomach lurch and her heart clench and her head spin. It doesn’t take long for the others to mess up, too and after Maggie made the tower crash and crumble across the whole table, only Alex and Kara are left. One by one their little group loses interest in what proofs to be the longest game of Jenga Sam ever witnessed. At some point, the two sisters have to stand up and the last one paying attention is Sam. She cannot take her eyes off of Alex and how her face crunches up when she concentrates or how she is brimming with excitement when it is Kara’s turn and her loud, belly-deep laugh when she wins another round makes Sam’s ears ring. Suddenly, she feels a pair of eyes on her and she looks up. Maggie is talking to Winn about some TV show, but her eyes are on Sam and she _knows_. She quickly averts her gaze, cheeks heating up at being caught. _Crap!_ She reaches for the wine bottle again, which is empty: “Anyone wants more drinks?”

Several hands are raised, and she makes a beeline for the kitchen. Only when she is elbow-deep in the fridge, does the intense heat on her back vanish. She should know better than ogling her soulmate with her wife sitting right next to her. She should also know better than drinking anymore wine. She fills her glass again, nonetheless, and after passing out the drinks to the others, she steps out on the balcony to get some fresh air.

The stupid Bound makes this stupid situation even harder than it would have to be. She takes deep breaths of the crisp night air and tries to clear her head. It is fruitless. Every time she closes her eyes, Alex’ face is all she sees. She presses the palms of her hands against her eyes and thinks of something else, thinks of Ruby and Reign and that whatever she is feeling is make-believe, is forced instead of real. The door sounds behind her and she spins around. Maggie leans against the glass, her shadow darker than the night. “Oh …it’s you.”

“Who did you expect?”

It sounds like a rhetorical question. Sam’s eyes flicker towards the living room, land on Alex, then snap to her hands.

“When she is playing Jenga with Kara, she wouldn’t notice either of us being gone.”

Sam swallows: “I …uh …I’m sorry.”

Maggie steps closer: “What for?”

Another rhetorical question. _For staring. For being here. For being …_

“She doesn’t like The Mark,” Maggie leans next to her against the railing, looking out onto the city being  several hundred yards beneath them.

She is convinced Maggie said this to see her reaction, to see whether Alex already told her or if this is big shocking news to her. Sam doesn’t even flinch.

“I could tell.”

“How so?”

By now, she knows that Maggie is a police detective and she gets the unsettling feeling she is being interrogated. If anyone has a right to do this, though, it is Maggie.

“She married you,” she struggles to make it not sound like an accusation, “For instance.” Maggie hums in silent agreement. “You don’t do that when you’re a Believer.”

“I suppose not.”

A beat of silence passes between them in which Sam shifts her weight from one leg to the other and back. Maggie doesn’t seem to be the kind of person to beat around the bush. However, Sam isn’t so sure what she wants from her.

“What is with you?”

“With me?”

“Are you like Alex?” Maggie nods in the direction of the living room, where the Jenga game seems to reach its grand finale, “Or like Kara?”

She’s not like either of them. She wants to be like Kara, all happy-go-lucky and bursting with optimism. She is closer to Alex, though, trapped in bitterness and harsh realism.

“I have a daughter,” she answers eventually, “That disqualifies me for being like Kara, I guess.”

Maggie regards her quiet and calm. Sam clears her throat, deciding that she could just as well get this off her chest and maybe quell some of Maggie’s fears at the same time: “I have no intention of stealing her away from you.”

“Good to know.” Maggie doesn’t believe her. She cannot blame her for it.

“I’ve been in your place once,” she has no idea where this is coming from, why she is telling this to Maggie of all people, but the words stumble unhindered out of her mouth, “No one should have to go through that kind of pain.” They stare at each other across the quiet night, Maggie narrowing her eyes and Sam lifting her chin.

In the background, they hear a loud clatter and even louder laughter. Jenga is over.

 

.

 

Alex’ life gets a new routine and it takes her weeks to realize it.

Maggie is still weary of Sam and their Bound but whatever the two talked about during Game Night made them agree on a quiet truce. She sees Sam two times a week: for jogging on Tuesdays and for Game Night on Fridays. She prefers Tuesdays although she wouldn’t admit that to anyone least of all herself. On Tuesdays, she has Sam all to herself and a selfish part of her is happy about that. During Game Night, she has to share her with the group, who is absolutely enamored with the young mother, and Alex has to respect that with Maggie at her side she cannot be wrapped up in Sam as much as she wants to be. On Tuesdays, she has time and space and opportunities to actually get to know her soulmate. On Fridays, she has stolen guilty glances and a hidden smile here and there. Over the course of the next six weeks, something builds between them slow and steady and every week Alex feels it becoming stronger. By April, she is on the best way to fall head-over-heels for Sam. After one perfectly exhausting run, Sam invited her for a smoothie from one of the food-trucks and Alex takes any excuse to prolong the precious time with her soulmate. Although, she always chooses a fruit combination and cannot help wrinkling her nose at the green abomination Sam drinks every time.

“Don’t look so disgusted,” Sam grins and slaps her arm.

“This looks like troll snot and smells even worst,” Alex shakes her head, “This is Lena’s bad influence. She tries to pull Kara on the dark-kale-side for ages.”

Sam juggles the plastic cup in front of her face: “This is healthy.”

“Troll snot.”

“Vitamin booster.”

“Troll snot.”

Reign barks happily from between their legs, and Alex takes that the dog is on her side. Reign was a tough nut to crack and the amount of pride cursing through Alex because she likes her is ridiculous.

“You think it’s disgusting, too, right girl?”

Reign jumps up, puts her paws against Alex’ chest and – really – just wants to be pet.

“She’s such a traitor, “ Sam says with feigned drama, clutching a hand over her heart.

Alex steals glances at her from her embrace with Reign and the Bound is roaring in her chest. She wants to be the reason for Sam’s carefree laughter every day for the rest of her life. Later, they sit on one of the benches a little away from the water and Alex plays fetch with Reign.

“She really likes you.”

“Should I be hurt because you sound so surprised?” Alex grins over her shoulder before hauling Reign’s toy-ball as far away as she can.

Sam gnaws on her straw: “It’s not that. Her former owner wanted to abandon her on a parking lot and I’m convinced he abused her.”

Alex’ face falls: “Oh.”

Sam shrugs, playing with the straw: “She doesn’t trust people. Apart from me. And she loves Ruby to pieces.”

With furrowed brows, Alex watches how Reign comes sprinting back to them, looking like the happiest dog alive.

“But she doesn’t like strangers and …even Lena is only tolerated by her.”

Without saying a word, Alex drops into the grass and gives Reign a long, long belly rub.

“So,” Sam clears her throat, “She must really like you.”

“Maybe she knows I’m your soulmate,” Alex mumbles without turning around and without intending that Sam actually hears her. She does, though.

“Maybe she does.” Her cheeks grow warm. “Do you want to meet Ruby?”

Alex swears she misheard, whipping her head around, eyes wide as saucers: “W…what?”

“Do you want to meet my daughter?”

In that moment, Reign jumps up, Alex loses her footing and her back hits the grass. She cranes her head back and sees Sam smiling at her upside-down and a giant grin spreads on her face: “Of course!”

 

.

 

Maggie is everything but excited for Alex, failing more or less to hide her irritation on Sunday morning.

In the end, though, it is absolutely normal for Alex to finally meet her soulmate’s daughter and Maggie has no reasonable argument on her side to keep her from it. Except jealousy, which doesn’t count.

“Could you please stop pacing?”

Alex freezes mid-motion: “I’m sorry …It’s just …” she stutters.

Maggie passes her on the way to the coffee machine: “You’re nervous. I understand. But you don’t have to rub it in my face like this.”

Alex shuffles to the build-in mirror in their closet and fixes her hair for what must have been the twentieth time.

“And stop that.”

Alex drops her arms: “But …”

“Alex,” Maggie sighs, “You don’t have to impress Arias, she already likes you and you’re great with kids.” She points with her thumb at the little gift-bag sitting on the counter: “And you got her a present.”

Alex swallows and fiddles with the hem of her shirt. Maggie groans and rolls her eyes: “I can’t believe I have to do this.”

Then she comes closer, grabs Alex’ hands, looking all serious: “Relax, _querida_. Just be yourself and the kid will love you just as much as the mom.”

Alex lets out a long breath: “You’re right. You shouldn’t have to tell me this.”

Maggie squeezes her hands: “No, I shouldn’t.”

Alex lets go of her hands and wraps her in a long hug: “Thank you for being so amazing,” she mumbles into her hair: “I love you.”

Maggie curls her fingers into the fabric of her shirt and clings to her: “Love you, too.”

 

.

 

Alex is relieved when she finally can get off the Ducati in front of a small two-story house in a modest suburb district.

Despite Maggie’s pep-talk, she feels so nervous she could either pass out or throw up any second.

“You can do this, Danvers, “ she mumbles to herself, while smoothing out her hair and imaginary wrinkles in her shirt, “Just be yourself. Just be normal. Don’t try too hard.”

She checks the gift-bag again to make sure nothing is wrinkled and – honestly – to buy some more time. _Ok, ok, ok_. _Get it together_. She rings the bell. Reign is the first to acknowledge her arrival and the next moment the door swings open and Alex forgets to breathe. Sam in workout clothes made her almost faint the first couple of times but Sam in leggings and a light dress makes her heart overflow with feelings she shouldn’t have.

“Hi,” her smile is blinding.

“Hey …” Alex says breathlessly.

Reign is demanding attention and sniffing the gift-bag, which she totally ignores. She only snaps out of it when Sam looks down, saying: “Ruby, this is Alex. Say _Hi_.”

A head of messy, dark locks pokes around Sam’s thigh and big curious eyes look up at Alex. She melts. Instantly.

“Hello.”

“Hi, Ruby. Nice to meet you.”

The girl takes a step forward, grabbing onto Reign’s fur: “Does she like you?”

Alex scratches Reign behind the ears: “I think so.”

Ruby looks at her, her small face showing that she debates what to do with this information. “Does mommy like you?”

It’s such an innocent question with way too much room for interpretation. Smiling shyly, Alex looks back at Sam and fights her cheeks to not turn the color of cherries:

“I hope she does.”

Sam places her hands on her daughter’s shoulders, saying sweetly: “Yes, baby. Mommy likes Alex very much.”

Someone should send help to poor Alex because if things continue like this, she’ll never make it inside the house without having dissolved into mushy goo. Ruby sends her another searching look. Then her face clears, and she grabs Alex’ hand: “Then I like you, too.”

Sam winks at her and together they step inside. The next two hours, Ruby is giving her a very detailed house-tour. In every room, she tells a story. For example, about her potty in the bathroom that “I don’t use. I’m a big girl now,” or about the pantry where “We forgot Reign. She ate all her treats and got a tummy ache,” and in her room she shows Alex all her stuffed animals and colored pictures. Alex thinks it’s the cutest thing ever and doesn’t even notice that she has been sitting in a mountain of plushies for an hour without Sam being anywhere in sight.

“Should I come and release you?”

Alex jolts in her spot on the floor: “Uhm …I …I’m fine.”

Sam shakes her head in amusement. Her eyes twinkle, and Alex unintentionally throttles the poor stuffed elephant in her hands.

“Come on. You can draw some pictures with her on the deck.”

Ruby squeals and storms downstairs, her arms loaded with paper and pens and Reign hot on her heels.

“She’s really cute.”

“You are cute.” Alex stares at her, eyes wide in shock. Sam blushes: “I mean …you are cute with her.”

Then Ruby yells from downstairs and Sam quickly turns away: “I’m coming, sweetie.”

The Bound be damned but Alex’ heart suddenly beats really fast. For a while, they sit outside in the nice weather and Alex watches Ruby do some coloring pictures of Marvel superheroes all the while trying not to think too much of Sam’s comment. But Ruby abandons her to play with Reign on the grass and then she sits alone with Sam at the table. Her eyes jump between the girl and Sam and there is a question forming in her mind. One that has been sneaking into her head ever since her soulmate told her about Ruby. But she never dared to ask.

“You can ask if you want to,” Sam says in a quiet voice and she whips her head around:

“What do you mean?”

She sighs: “I can see the question all over your face and, honestly, everyone wants to know sooner or later.”

Alex clears her throat and doesn’t look at Sam when she finally speaks: “What about Ruby’s father? Is he still in the picture?”

Considering that she didn’t see any male face in any of the family pictures lining the walls in the house, she can guess the answer by herself.

“No. It’s just me and Ruby.”

Slowly, Alex lifts her eyes to her face and asks after a long pause: “What happened?”

Sam grows almost physically smaller in front of her, curls in on herself and seemingly braces to tell a story that still hurts. Something surges through Alex that makes her want to hunt down this man and make him regret that he ever hurt Sam like this. “I’m not exactly a teenage-mom but getting pregnant in your second year at college isn’t that good either.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” she says tilting her head.

Sam scoffs: “I’m not done.”

She pushes hair out of her face and kneads the fabric of her dress in her hands: “My adoptive mother didn’t want to know one thing about the pregnancy. The second she heard that I want to keep the baby, she kicked me out of the house and refused any kind of help. Now with raising Ruby. Not with college. Nothing.”

Alex gets the feeling this is still not the worst part. After a moment, Sam continues, her words coated in soft nostalgia: “Ruby’s father wasn’t a bad guy. Not at first. Obviously, we weren’t soulmates, but he stood up against any haters and was really sweet and caring.”

She is growing more somber and Alex wishes she could simply reach out and take her hand or squeeze her shoulder: “When I told him I’m pregnant, he wasn’t all too happy about it, but he wanted to be there. He wanted to try.”

Alex’ face and heart tighten because something must have gone awfully wrong somewhere and somehow, she doesn’t think it was Sam’s fault: “Why did he leave?”

She cannot imagine one good or rightful reason for doing that. Sam has tears in her eyes, giving the impression of seas made of gold. She shrugs not in the way that she wouldn’t care but that this happened in the past and there is no chance to ever undo this again: “He met his soulmate.”

Alex is absolutely stunned by this while slowly, piece by piece, things start to make sense in her head. _This is why she’s so worried about the Bound._

“He was completely swept away by the Recognition. He never even really said it was over between us,” Sam says with a catch in her voice, wiping a couple of stray tears away, “He just packed up and left.”

“I’m so sorry, Sam,” Alex says honest and touched and angry.

How could anyone ever do this? The struggle Sam had to go through ever since Ruby was born is something she can’t even begin to imagine.

“Don’t look like that, Alex.”

She gently pulls Alex out of the dark storm brewing in her mind. A whirlwind of damning The Mark, of finding out who that man is, of vowing to be better than him. To both Maggie and Sam. Alex unclenches her fists she held so tight her knuckles turned white.

Sam sends her a soft gaze and stands up: “That’s why I hate The Mark. And that’s why you can never do what he did.”

She steps down onto the grass to call Ruby inside. Then and there Alex makes a promise to herself, to always protect the two and to never hurt them the way Ruby’s father did. When it’s finally time for her to leave, she is as reluctant to go as Ruby is in letting her go: “Promise you come again.”

“Of course, I do.”

“A real promise,” the girl insists, sticking her pinky out.

Alex hooks her own pinky through hers and smiles wide: “Pinky promise.”

Ruby beams, seemingly satisfied and drags Reign into the kitchen: “I want dinner, mommy.”

“In a minute, sweetie.”

Alex rises from her crouched down position, reaches for her jacket and says: “So …can I come again?”

Sam holds her helmet for her, rolling her eyes and shaking her head slightly: “Please, you are welcomed anytime.”

Alex tries to suppress both her relief and her excitement: ”Oh. Cool.”

“Besides,” Sam chuckles, “You just made a pinky promise to my daughter. Don’t dare to break it.”

Alex slaps a hand across her chest: “I would never.”

“Good. See you on Tuesday?”

“See you on Tuesday.”

 

.

 

Things continue like this for another couple of weeks and Alex  feels how it becomes harder and harder to ignore the Bound. And she isn’t the only one.

The longer she knows Alex and the more time she spends with her, the more of a hopeless case does Sam turn into. Being friends with Alex is the easiest thing in the world and for now that seems to be enough. But every Tuesday and Friday, she briefly turns into a nervous wreck, and sleep during the night before is nothing more than wishful thinking. Every time Alex smiles at her, her heart skips a beat. Every time she touches her, her breath gets stuck in her throat. And every time their ways part, she feels like suffocating. At first, Sam thought she could blame the Bound for anything inappropriate going on inside her. By the end of April, she has to admit at least to crushing on her soulmate. Hard. And that friendship might not be enough for much longer. On top of it all, it becomes downright impossible to ignore how good Alex looks.

The warmer the days become, the shorter does Alex’ clothes become, and Sam is pretty sure her soulmate caught her staring one or two times. She desires Alex. In a raw and wild way, which makes everything dangerously complicated. Last Tuesday, she was so close to run a thumb over Alex’ exposed collarbone, she is convinced her soulmate is suspicious of her. With all this in her head, she completely forgot about L-Corp’s annual fundraiser for the children’s hospital, which she is obliged to attend for the first time. Until Lena strides into her office.

“Please, tell me you already have a dress.”

Sam quickly shoves her phone away to hide the picture she’s been staring at for the past ten minutes instead of working. It shows Alex and Ruby on the playground the other day.

“Sorry…what?”

“The fundraiser,” Lena cocks an eyebrow,” Did you forget?”

Sam’s eyes widen. Lena sinks into a chair, sighing dramatically: “You forgot.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Were you too busy thinking about a certain soulmate?”

Sam pushes the incriminating phone deeper into the pocket of her business pants. Something must have given her away, though, because a sly grin spreads on Lena’s face: “How are things going with my sister-in-law?”

She grimaces: “We’re just friends.” Lena looks like she was joking. “I mean it,” she huffs, “It’s what we both want.”

“Maybe it’s what you wanted in the beginning.”

“That’s not true,” she defends herself.

Lena’s eyebrow rises higher and higher: “You choked on your wine and turned redder than a tomato last week when Alex’ shirt rode up.” Sam was sure no one had seen that, and her cheeks grow hot:

“Didn’t you come here because of a dress?”

“Subtle,” Lena deadpans but grants her to stop the teasing.

For the rest of the day, the two plan the gala and it’s already dark when they go over the last details while sharing Chinese take-out.

“What’s with security?” Sam yawns.

She misses the tell-telling twinkle in Lena’s eyes as she says: “Let me handle that.”

 

.

Ruby is safely tucked into bed when Nia arrives on Friday evening.

Sam set a mountain of snacks on the coffee table, put on Netflix and left a twenty-dollar bill on the counter for pizza for the teenager.

“You look really beautiful Ms. A,” she says with a huge smile on her face.

“Thank you, Nia, “ Sam mumbles a little embarrassed, putting an earring in.

She notices how Nia fiddles nervously with her hands and chews on her bottom-lip: “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, sure,” she says way too fast.

Sam decides not to pry. She doesn’t know the girl well enough and the town-car sponsored by L-Corp is supposed to pick her up any minute. While she puts on her high-heels, trying to keep Reign from getting doghair all over her dress, Nia shuffles closer: “Uhm …Ms. A? Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Have you met your soulmate?”

The question takes her a little off-guard. Everything regarding Alex is catching her off-guard recently: “Yes. Yes, I have,” she swallows, “Why do you ask?”

Nia blushes innocently, waving her hands in front of her chest: “It’s nothing. I was just curious.”

_Probably also curious why I go to a gala alone if I met my soulmate_. She tilts her head, drawing the word long: “Ok.”

Then the bell rings. She pats Reign good-bye and gives last minute instructions to Nia and then she is on the way to the city-center.

 

.

 

As soon as she passed security, she heads straight for the bar.

After Lena’s opening speech, she will have to schmooze a bunch of old rich men and women, which is always the worst part of events like this. At least it’s for a good cause. “Looking fine tonight, Sam.”

She turns her head from the waiter behind the bar to the voice next to her: “James. Hey.”

She briefly looks down at her black dress. It’s a little tight and a little revealing but she’s not giving anything away for free. She usually prefers to wear perfectly tailored business suits to anything work related because Lena must be the only female CFO, she knows, who can pull off running a multi-billion-dollar company in dresses and skirts. But tonight is a special occasion, and she must agree with James: she not only looks _fine_ , she looks _hot_.

He is wearing a black and deep-green suit. It looks quite expensive even for the head of a media-group like CatCo and Sam wonders if he wears it because he still has to fight every day to be accepted in circles and events like tonight: “You’re looking quite fine yourself.” They clink their champagne glasses. “Have you seen Lena or Kara?”

“I think they already are schmoozing,” he chuckles, “No one can resist Kara’s puppy eyes.”

“That’s true.”

Out of the corner of her eyes, Sam suddenly spots Lena near the entrance. She is talking to someone and when she notices who it is, she almost drops the glass. James whistles lowly: “Blue looks really good on her.”

No one else than Alex is standing next to Lena, her hair freshly colored, which nicely contrast with her navy-blue suit.

“What is she doing here?” Sam hisses, commanding her eyes to the floor and her mouth to shut. J

ames sends her a knowing glance, which she doesn’t like at all. If he can see how she looks at Alex and Lena can see it, too, who else can see it? Hopefully not Maggie.

“I have no idea,” she can hear the amusement in his voice, “Maybe you should ask her.”

To her immense luck, Alex chooses that moment to slip away and Sam strides purposefully to her friend after saying to James: “I’m gonna ask _her_.”

Lena of course is totally oblivious to her current mood: “Sam. I’m so happy you’re here. The opening speech is starting - ”

Sam grabs her arm:” What is _she_ doing here?”

Lena tries to play dump: “She? Who she?”

Sam gestures wildly into the direction of the security area where Alex is talking to some of the black-clad hulks controlling every guest as if they entered an embassy: “Alex.”

They both turn their heads. James was right. The deep-blue suit looks amazing on her. It’s not one of the typical ill-fitting bulky suits every detective on TV wears. This one fits the agent like a second skin and the crisp white shirt looks as if it has been tailored especially for her. Even her brown shoes look handmade. She looks drop-dead gorgeous and Sam is overcome by a sudden wave of heat and longing. She imagines running her hands over the fine material of the suit, imagines tugging on the lapels, imagines pushing the blazer from Alex’ shoulders. _Not good_. She should definitely give both Alex and any more alcohol a wide, wide berth tonight. Suddenly, Sam entertains a certain suspicion when she notices the matching tie around Alex’ neck: “This was you.”

Lena is not trying to deny it one bit: “In my defense, I couldn’t have her show up in a flannel and one of her leather jackets.”

Sam’s grip on her arm tightens: “Why is she showing up here at all?”

“Security of course.”

“From the FBI?”

That’s over the top even considering the many threats L-Corp receives on an almost daily basis because of the Luthor name. Lena tugs her into a corner: “Okay. Fine.” Sam stares at her expectantly. “Maybe I wanted to do you a favor.”

She is pretty sure she is close to a heart-attack whishing that she would have chosen a dress with a little higher neckline after all. She doesn’t want to give her soulmate the impression that she uses a deep look into her cleavage to make the many men tonight whip out their check-books. “How is this doing me a favor?”

Lena scoffs: “I get why you and Agent Hottie over there refuse to live out your Bound but at least you could be honest with yourself.”

Sam lets go quickly, crossing her arms: ”I don’t know what you’re talking about. And don’t call her like that.”

Lena rolls her eyes: “Oh please, the looks you’ve been sending each other during Game Night are as far away from innocent as possible.”

Blood rushes to her cheeks. _I thought I was the only one looking:_ “Each other?”

For a second, her friend stares at her dumbfounded then she grins: “Honey, you are even more hopeless than I thought.”

In that moment, Sam feels an intense gaze on her bare back and turns her head. She spots Alex still talking to the other security guys. The pink hue on her cheeks must be a trick of the light: “What do you mean?” she frets.

But Lena only laughs and before she can say anything more, Kara pops up at her side: “Here you are. I was looking all over for you. They want you to hold the speech,” then she notices Sam and her face splits into a smile, “Sam, hey. You look gorgeous!”

Sam bristles slightly at the intrusion but plasters a smile on her face: “Hey, Kara. You, too. You look …” Her eyes wash over the pastel pink lace dress, “You look cute.”

“Thanks!” Kara beams at her.

Lena clears her throat, leaning in to Sam: “Look, I created an opportunity for you here. Have a chat with her, a drink, a dance and enjoy the night.” Then she drags Kara away, who gives her a little wave and then she stands alone in the corner with a raging heartbeat.

For the speech, she sits at a table next to James. On the one hand because he’s the only other person she knows, and on the other because she genuinely likes his company. And because Kara is off to conspiratorially whisper with Alex. She tries her best to ignore them. But while Lena heartwarmingly explains what the Luthor Children Hospital was able to achieve in the past and what they want to use the donations for in the future, James leans over to her: “So, have you talked to her, yet?”

“Why is everyone asking me that today?” Sam mumbles, taking a large sip of her third champagne.

“Well, why shouldn’t you?”

Sam chews on her bottom lip. _Yeah, why shouldn’t I? Wouldn’t that be even more suspicious?_ She avoids the answer by saying: “You guys really give me the feeling that none of you respects her marriage.”

To her surprise, James gives her an almost solemn glance: “It’s not that we don’t respect it. Maggie is a good woman. Alex can be lucky to have her,” This sends a painful stab straight through her heart, “But it’s not fair that you two deny your Bound because of that.”

“We’re not denying it, “ she grumbles, “We’re friends but anything else …” she trails off.

Suddenly, James holds his phone out to her: “This is my soulmate, Lucy,” The picture shows a dark haired and dark skinned woman, her arms thrown around James’ shoulders and smiling widely, “She’s an army officer and right now deployed to Syria. I haven’t seen her in four months.”

Sam swallows, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden by her distress over Alex: “I’m sorry, James. I didn’t know.”

He shrugs: “Don’t worry. I didn’t show it for you to feel pity or guilt,” he puts the phone away again, “But other people can’t see their soulmate as often as you and Alex can see each other and others never meet their soulmate at all,” he takes a sip of his Scotch, “I know the circumstances of your Bound are complicated but you two should be happy that you found each other.”

Sam sneaks another guilty glance at Alex who is still talking to Kara: “Maybe you’re right. I should talk to her.”

But talking to Alex proofs to be more difficult than she imagined. After Lena’s speech, she is sucked right into the schmoozing. Hours must have gone by with her chatting up National City’s high-society, her feet are hurting and after the fifth guy tried to look down her cleavage and one woman reached for her ass, she is beyond annoyed. She has been granted only one short break during which she ran into Lena at the bar. She didn’t look any better than Sam felt, downing the glass of champagne in one go and muttering: “Where is Kara? She promised to eat me out in a private bathroom when I endure this tonight.”

Before Sam can answer her, she is called away again and Sam is stuck with the image of her best friend and her soulmate having sex against a sink. No one can blame her therefore that she is barely listening to Morgan Edge, babbling on and on about how she should transfer to his company and earn triple. Maybe she is also not listening because she found Alex at the bar, sipping on a water and scanning the crowd attentively. Sam’s mouth runs dry. If the water in her hand would be a Martini, she would be the picture perfect of the Jane Bond of Sam’s dreams. Would it really be so bad to walk up to her and share a drink and a dance? It would be perfectly innocent. It’s what you do at galas like tonight. Drinking. Dancing. Running your hands through bright red tresses, whispering close into her ear, dragging her by the tie into an empty bathroom. Locking the door. Pushing her against the sink and – _Wait! What?_ _Damn you, Lena!_

“No need to blush, darling.” Sam recoils, staring indignantly at Morgan Edge: “Excuse me?”

Edge puts on a sleazy smile, placing a hand on her hip: “I just asked you for a dance, honey. No need to blush.”

Sam trembles with disgust. Nonetheless, she smiles wryly because this is the kind of world they live in: “I’m terribly sorry, Mr. Edge but I think Ms. Luthor is calling for me.”

“Oh, really?” he makes a show of looking around, “Where is she? I can’t see her?”

_Shit._

The next moment, she stiffens because an arm slips around her waist: “Hey, baby. I’m sorry, I kept you waiting.”

Her cheeks are in flames in a millisecond. Edge retreats his hand in a flash and, although her pulse is going into a frenzy because Alex hands her a Scotch, smiling open and easy, she lets out a breath of relief.

“Who is your friend?”

She kicks her brain back into motion, playing along: “Alex, this is Mr. Edge. I’m sure you know him. Mr. Edge this is my …this is FBI Agent Alex Danvers.”

Alex extends a hand to him: “Mr. Edge, the construction mogul. Of course.”

He tries to hide it behind a sneer, but Sam sees him flinch slightly when they shake hands, nonetheless.

“Mr. Edge was just leaving.”

He balls his hand into a fist after Alex released it, giving them a cold smile: “Ms. Arias, Agent Danvers, have a good night.”

They watch him leave in silence until Sam mumbles: “Thanks.”

“No problem. He’s an old dirty bastard.”

Neither of them says something for a couple of moments and suddenly Sam becomes hyper-aware of the fact that Alex is still having an arm around her waist. It would be so easy to lean into her right now, to reach her own arm around Alex and feel for herself if the fabric of her suit is actually as delicate as it looks. _Don’t do this. You can’t do this._ But she wants to so badly. Her breath stumbles in her throat and she is sure Alex can hear how fast her heart beats. The Bound is bringing all the big guns in, making Sam weak in every way possible. She shakes her head.

“Alex …”

Alex turns her beautiful warm hazel eyes towards her: “Yeah?”

She momentarily forgets to speak: “Your …uhm …your.”

Her eyes drop towards Alex’ hand resting perfectly on her hipbone as if it was made to wrap around Sam’s body. Alex follows her eyes, jumping back the next second and this time her red cheeks are not a trick of the light: “Sorry.”

She gives her a shy smile and it takes all of Sam’s willpower to not throw her arms around her.

“Don’t be,” she breathes.

She gets lost momentarily in the swirl of emotions in Alex’ eyes, not really believing what she sees. It was easier to push her fluttering feelings away when she thought she was the only one pining. But with Alex looking at her like this – like _this_ – it becomes harder and harder to ignore that maybe the Bound is playing them both. _But we can’t. We can’t ever do this._ She takes a deep breath, curls her hands around the tumblr in her hands to not reach out after all and changes the subject: “You look really good tonight.”

Alex’ cheeks turn pink and she begins to fiddle with the tie: “Oh …thanks. Lena choose it for me.”

She has the urge to run her hands over the deep-blue silk of the tie. It’s silk, now from up close she can see it clearly.

“I know,” she smiles, “She has a good eye.”

Alex shoves her hands into the pocket of her tight pants, nodding at her and if possible, blushing even more: “You look really nice, too.”

James said the same thing to her, but it didn’t make her heart race like this. She bites her bottom lip to keep herself from saying something stupid. And currently every thought in her head is _stupid_ in one way or another. Silence settles over them again, vast and loud, and she finds herself taking a step closer. The noise from the people around them fades away into the background, everything fades away as Alex takes a step closer, too. They are standing a little further from the general commotion and no one pays any attention to them. Blood is rushing in her ears only drowned out but her frenzy heartbeat. There is less than a hand’s breadth between them and Alex’ perfume is intoxicating. It would take just one more step and they would be touching. Just a tilt of her head to brush her lips against Alex’. _By God, what am I doing here?_ Suddenly an upbeat pop-song bursts through their bubble, Alex takes a step back, her eyes grow wide and she is grinning from ear to ear.

“You want to dance?”

Sam stares at her confused. This isn’t where she thought this was going but maybe she should thank the DJ later.

Alex grabs her hand: “I love this song,” she takes the Scotch from her hands, shoves it into some surprised looking waiter’s arms and tugs her to the dance floor, “Come on, dance with me.”

Sam wouldn’t be able to say no even if she wanted to. They find Lena and Kara among the crowd and she realizes she hasn’t been out dancing with friends in years. Because that is what they are: a group of friends. Nothing more. The Danvers sisters show off with some goofy but still pretty charming moves and Lena and Sam fall back into the chest-to-chest and hip-to-hip kind of dance of their college years until Kara barges between them, face all red and arms flailing. For a couple of songs, they have a blast and Sam wonders if this night maybe turns out to be way better than she thought initially. That is until the next song comes up and it’s too _slow_ , too _romantic_ and people around them start to pair up. Something stretches and contracts painfully in her chest at seeing all those couples or the wished-to-be-couples because it painfully reminds her that slow-dancing arm in arm is not something she can do with her soulmate. Out of the blue, she feels overwhelmingly stupid for all the thoughts she had about Alex tonight. None of it will ever come true. None of it ever _can_ come true.

“May I have the pleasure of this dance?”

Alex is holding her hand out for Sam, all nervous and hopeful and part of her feels like bursting into tears but another one – the stronger one – makes her step forward.

“Yes.”

Alex’ smile is wide and blinding and heartbreaking. While she wraps her arms around Alex’ shoulders and feels how her hands settle around her waist, she thinks how utterly _wrong_ and _dangerous_ this is. Weeks ago, they set a clear line for their relationship and since that day they’ve been slowly but steadily nearing that line which became blurrier and blurrier every time they saw each other. If they cross it, there will be no turning back. Ever. She pushes those fears away, tries to stay in this moment. In Alex’ warmth, in her fresh and sweet scent. _Just a little more. Just a little longer_. Alex’ suit feels fine like water beneath her fingertips and she can feel a strong beat thrumming against her palm. _It must be mine. It can’t be hers._ Because this heart is beating way too fast. She squeezes her eyes shut and presses her nose in the crook of Alex’ neck. Fingers press into the space between her shoulder blades and a warm breath ghosts over her ear that makes her shiver: “Sam…”

There’s a crack in her voice. One that shouldn’t be there. That can’t be there. Alex tugs her closer. Sam’s breath hitches. It’s the first time they hug like this. So close that every part of their bodies seems to touch. They have stopped moving and to Sam it feels as if seconds are stretched into centuries. Finally, she can grasp a clear thought, pushes against Alex’ shoulders and leans back: “Alex …”

Her name comes out softer than she wanted to. Her heart is galloping like a flock of panicked horses, thumping so hard against her ribs that it is choking her. Alex swallows. Her eyes drop to Sam’s lips. Just for a second. A moment. But Sam sees it. And then she sees Alex’ eyes turning dark in front of her. _Black_ and _blazing_ and _wanting_. Alex leans in and everything in Sam goes very, very quiet.

Out of nowhere, there is a sharp pain in her back and she jolts away from Alex.

“Sorry …” a woman only a little older than Sam half-heartedly apologizes for jabbing an elbow into her back.

She should thank this woman – like a million times – because the trance that held her in Alex’ arms against every better judgement is broken and the real world comes rushing down on her like a tidal wave. Alex looks pretty much the same. As if someone just woke her up from a dream. Sam’s head is spinning, and she is convinced if she stays here one second longer, she will do something stupid after all: “I need to freshen up,” she mumbles and before Alex can say anything she flies from the dance-floor to one of the bathrooms on the first floor.

Luckily, all the stalls are empty and Sam sinks against the cool tiled wall, trying to catch her breath. _This was close. Too close._ She tries to let the cool of the wall calm her down, hopes that it will silence the heat all over her body that makes her skin prickle. It’s not really helping. She drops her head into her hands and inhales deeply. Involuntarily, she thinks about Maggie and remembers how the pain and the jealousy almost made her go crazy during the first months of her pregnancy. She promised herself and Maggie that she will do anything to spare her these feelings. She made Alex promise to never sink as low as Ruby’s father did. But tonight, she was so close to carelessly break these promises. Her throat constricts, and tears are burning behind her tightly shut eyes. She was a second away from kissing Alex. And if the woman hadn’t stumbled into them, Sam would have let it happen. Hell, she would have kissed Alex as if there was no tomorrow. _But you will never know what that feels like. You will never kiss her._ She lets out a long sigh and shoves those thoughts and feelings away. Angry at herself, she checks her make-up in the mirror, damning the Bound for being so hard on her. She stares into the mirror deadly serious, mumbling through gritted teeth: “I am stronger than you. I am stronger than this.”

She repeats this like a mantra for a couple of minutes until finally believing her own words. While she exits the washroom, she thinks about what she should do now, what she should say to Alex and she is so far in her head that she almost collides with someone: “Oh my…I’m so sorry.”

The man sends a charming smile her way, showing a row of perfectly white teeth: “Don’t worry, please.”

He must be a bit younger than Sam, has short brown hair and a beard that does little to hide his boyish face.  After giving him a short apologetic smile of her own, Sam is half on her way back to searching Alex when he speaks up again: “I’m sorry…But…Is there any chance that you are with L-Corp?”

She sends a quick prayer to whoever is listening that the guy will let her go soon. She reminds herself that this is for the children and he might be a donor. She turns back to him and away from the top of the stairs: “Yes, I am Samantha Arias, the CFO. How can I help you?”

Something is flashing in his eyes, but it’s gone too quickly for her to make sense of it: “Ms. Arias, how nice to meet you,” they shake hands, his grip strong and self-confident. But something about him is unsettling, something is too slick, “I would like to make a donation, but I would like to give it to Ms. Luthor in person.”

Her neck prickles as if to warn her but she brushes it off as maybe being too much alcohol or the after-shock of her almost-kiss with Alex. She clears her throat: “I’m not sure where she is right now but we can look for her and then I can introduce you…Mr. …”

He sends her another perfect smile: “Matthews. Mike Matthews. There will be no need for an introduction. Ms. Luthor and I are old friends.”

The name doesn’t ring any bells. Sam motions for him to follow her down the stairs: “Really? How did you meet?”

“Kara Danvers introduced us. We used to work together.” There is this flicker in his eyes again and the prickle in her neck gets stronger. They reached the bottom of the stairs and begin winding through the crowd:

“Used to work together?”

They keep holding the conversation while simultaneously searching for Lena.

“Oh, well. I realized some day that journalism isn’t really my thing. Now, I’m a barkeeper at the Alien Bar.”

She still doesn’t have a proper memory, but the thought strikes her that something is not quite right with this Mr. Matthews: “I’ve never heard of it.” 

For some reason, his impeccable smile starts to give her the creeps: “What a shame, Ms. Arias. You should come by one day. Maybe you know Kara’s sister, Alex Danvers, and her wife. They are frequent guests.”

Oddly enough, it is this one sentence that sparks a firework of memories in Sam’s brain. Bad memories. _Keep it cool._

“It surprises me that you’re such good friends with Ms. Luthor. I think she never mentioned your name.”

And of course, that is the moment when she spots Lena only a couple of steps away from them, talking to one of the chief residents from the Luthor Children’s Hospital. She tries not to show it on her face, thinks feverishly about a way to lure Mike Matthews away from Lena. It would be best if she could lure him away from everyone in this room, or directly into the arms of the security men and women because Mike reeks like trouble and chaos.

“She knows who I am…” he trails off and, in his face, she can see that he spotted Lena, too. Sam steps into his line of sight: “Yeah and I know who you are, too,” he is not even looking at her, “You are Kara’s stalker ex-boyfriend.”

The next moment, he spins her around, puts one arm around her waist and uses the other to press something into her side slightly below the ribs: “I don’t know what Lena told you, but I just want to have a conversation with her,” he hisses, pushing the hard object deeper into her ribs, “Is that too much to ask?”

Sam momentarily is left speechless because the thing stuck between her ribs feels alarmingly much like a gun. Without waiting for an answer, he pushes her in Lena’s direction. Sam’s brain is running at a hundred miles an hour, trying to come up with a plan to keep Mike from shooting her best friend. But the fear is clouding her mind and she can barely put one food in front of the other. She can’t do anything stupidly heroic or brave like wrestling him for the gun. There are hundreds of people here who can get hurt, herself could get hurt and what would happen with Ruby then? Or with Reign? But she cannot let him harm Lena either.

They are ten feet away from Lena and she breaks out into cold sweat. Panicked, she scans the crowd for Alex. To let her know what Mike is up to, to give her a sign, to give her something. Anything. But she doesn’t see Alex anywhere and the voice in her head screaming either ˈ _Oh my God_ ˈ or ˈ _Please, don’t kill me_ ˈ, is too loud for her to think. She blurts out the first thing coming to her mind: “How did you get this past security?” He actually slows down.

_Five steps_.

“This little baby?” He is whispering in her ear, so no one hears their conversation, and his whole body rubs against her side. For a second, she fears she will get sick.

“It’s plastic.”

“What?” she gasps.

“Made with a 3-D printer. You should really up your security next time you host a gala,” he shrugs, “You know what? Forget it. There won’t be a next gala.”

_Four steps_.

He keeps pushing her. Sam struggles in his grip: “You won’t get through with this.”

“And who is going to stop me? You? Lena?”

His laughter is full of spite and mockery. Heat shoots into Sam’s face out of anger.

“I don’t care anyways. As long as Lena pays for what she did to me.”

_Three steps._

She is torn between wrenching out of his grip and doing something, shouting something and staying right where she is out of fear. Currently, it looks like the fear is winning. “You think that is bringing Kara back to you?”

_Two steps._

“I’m not an idiot, Ms. Arias. But if I can’t have Kara, then no one should.”

_One step._

Lena spotted them, immediately looking ten kinds of alarmed: “Sam…Mike…what are you doing here?”

Sam wants to scream for Lena to run but she is paralyzed by fear.

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” he turns slightly on the spot, so Lena can get a look at the gun, “I thought we could have a little nice conversation.”

Defiantly, Lena pushes her chin out: “What do you want?”

He shakes his head: “Not here. You know a place where we can talk without getting interrupted?”

Sam wants for Lena to say both yes and no. After what feels like an eternity, Lena nods: “Follow me.”

For a second, she thought that Mike would let her go now but instead he presses the gun into her side and rumbles: “Let’s go.”

Sam is more stumbling than walking along, whishing that someone would finally wake her up from this nightmare. But no one does and after a couple of moments, Lena opens a glass double-door, a bit hidden between thick curtains and then they are standing on a low balcony. A shiver runs down Sam’s back that has nothing to do with the chilly temperature. Due to the darkness, she can’t really make out Lena’s face, but she is sure, her best friend feels as panicked as she does.

“So,” Lena turns towards them with crossed arms, “Are you telling me what you want now, or do I have to wait until after you shot me?”

Mike’s grip on Sam’s arm tightens prompting her to bite her lip to not let out any sound: “Get down from your fucking high horse, Lena. You know what I want from you.”

Lena’s gaze is as cold as ice: “No, I’m sorry. Is it decent human behavior?” She motions with her hand, “Please, enlighten me.”

_What the hell are you doing?_

Does Lena try to get them both killed?

She can almost feel Mike’s next words on her naked arms: ”You took Kara away from me!”

“I did no such thing.”

“Yes, you did,” he roars back, his grip getting so tight it will leave bruises on Sam’s skin, “Before you came into our life, everything was perfect!”

He is getting so worked up that the pressure against her rips loosens slightly and for a wild second  she imagines breaking free and calling for help and getting out of this unscathed. Lena scoffs. Sam stares at her as if she’s insane.

“It’s not my fault that I am Bound to Kara and you are not.”

“No, maybe not,” he says in a weirdly calm voice all of a sudden, “But if it weren’t for you, Kara would be with me. We would be happy.”

He points the gun at Lena and for a second, Sam sees unhidden fear on her face: “All I have to do, is make you disappear.”

He cocks the gun to the side, shrugs, as if it would be that easy. Neither of the women dare to say a word. Lena does her best to stand her ground. Mike looks like being in a trance and Sam is running through the chances in her head to escape at lightning speed. She could make it. With the gun pointed at Lena she could free herself, use the moment of surprise to overwhelm Mike, she could safe them. Sam takes a deep breath, she makes sure Mike is focusing on Lena, all her muscles tense and –

“Drop the gun and hands above your head!” Heart throbbing in her throat, Sam cranes her neck to catch a glimpse of whoever stepped onto the balcony.

_Please don’t be Alex, please don’t be Alex._

 

_._

 

She wants to cry out in frustration as soon as she spots short red hair and brown eyes hard as steel.

“Drop the gun, Mike, I’m not saying it again,” Alex is pointing her own gun at him, her cold enough to freeze an ocean.

For a heartbeat, Mike doesn’t react at all then he rams the gun into Sam’s throat from below, so hard she has to suppress a gag: “Look, who we have here, Alex Danvers,” he sneers, “You think you can stop me?”

“Will you drop the gun now?” Alex takes a step further onto the balcony.

“You can end this, Mike, before anyone is getting hurt,” Lena says in a soft voice, trying to appease him.

But Mike takes a step back and another one until his back hits the wall while hectically alternating the gun between Alex and Lena. Sam is nothing more than a shield for him. Alex must have realized that too because while she slowly inches in front of Lena, she says: “Let her go. This is over.”

“Get away from her,” he roars, back to pressing the gun into Sam’s neck, against her racing pulse point, “Get away from Lena or I will shoot this woman!”

“If you lay a finger on her, I swear …” Lena starts, ready to round on him, but Alex pushes an arm out to keep her from it. When Alex opens her mouth again, she is not looking at Mike. Her eyes bore into Sam’s and despite the situation, her heart skips a beat.

“Let her go,” Alex rumbles between tightly gritted teeth, “She has nothing to do with this.”

Mike lets out a sharp laugh: “Seeing how you both look at her, I think she does.”

He raises the gun from her neck to push it right into her face prompting Lena to let out a strangled gasp and to make Sam’s knees go weak.

“Please, I have a daughter,” she whimpers.

“If you hurt her, you will wish Lena got her hands on you,” Alex says, her words shaking.

Sam is consumed by too much fear to decide whether it’s from rage or being afraid.

“Mike, think about this, please,” Lena practically begs him, “You don’t really want to do this.”

He lets out another unsettling laugh: “Oh really? Maybe this is exactly what I want to do.”

Sam drifts in and out of the conversation. If she is about to die, she wants her last moments to be about Ruby and Reign. Maybe about Alex, too. But definitely not listening to some jealous asshole.

“Maybe I should just kill her, Lena. You know. Take someone away you love just like you took someone away I love.”

“Kara will never forgive you if you do that,” Lena says stoically.

“I don’t care,” Mike bellows, waving the gun wildly, “I want you to feel my pain! I want you to suffer!”

Sam doesn’t know how or why, but a sudden heavy calm comes over her.

“I will make you suffer if you don’t let her go right now!” Alex shouts back.

“I’ll kill her! I’ll kill her!”

“I know how you feel,” Sam says between the shouting, so tentative, it’s almost a whisper.

The balcony is deadly silent then Mike scoffs: “You know nothing about how I feel.”

Lena is staring at her, mouth moving but no words come out whereas Alex is impalpably shaking her head with narrowed eyes. She doesn’t know where the words come from, but she keeps talking: “You’re wrong. I do.”

She feels him shaking his head: “You liar. Stop talking, you’re lying.” 

Gathering all her courage, Sam opens her mouth again: “I know exactly how you feel because I’ve been where you are now.”

The gun against her cheek starts to shake and so do Mike’s words: “Liar…liar…liar.”

She tried to look at him, to see if what she says is reaching him at all, but it is no use, she can’t crane her neck that far and eventually her eyes land on Alex. Everything about her is telling Sam  to stop whatever absurd plan she came up with. She ignores her: “I know what it feels like to love someone so much you think you can’t live without them.”

To her surprise, Mike lets out a watery gasp: “How do you want to know that?”

“I have loved like you someone who wasn’t meant to be with me.”

Alex’ eyes dance with confusion and Sam bores her own into them: “I was so in love with him, he was all I could see. I wanted to be worthy of him. I wanted to be the sole center of his world, like he was mine.”

This time Mike actually sobs and the gun slides from her cheek and comes to rest in an awkward angle on her shoulder. Tears form in Sam’s eyes due to the way Alex is looking at her and because she is only partially talking about Ruby’s father: “ Every time I thought of him, I was yearning and longing. Feeling like that…” her voice cracks, “Even feeling like that was so beautiful it hurt.”

“Oh Sam…” Lena whispers putting a hand over her heart, but she can’t  hear her.

All her attention is on Alex, who is crumbling right in front of her. Her shoulders are hanging, her brows are furrowed, and her lips are quivering even as she presses them tightly together. Suddenly, Mike pushes her away, the gun clatters to the floor and he drops on his knees right beside it:

“It hurts so much. I want it to stop. Make it stop. Make it stop,” he wails and buries his head in his hands.

With one last look at Alex, she turns around, kneels next to him and puts her arms around his shaking shoulders: “I know what you feel like, Mike, don’ ever think again you are the only person in the world who got his heart broken by The Mark. But you are not privileged to pain. We are all in pain.”

He is sobbing openly against her shoulder and Sam’s heart breaks a little for him and a little for herself.

In nights like this it is hard to imagine The Mark ever being responsible for something else than destroying lives. Then she hears how someone kicks the gun away and then Alex rips Mike from her, looking so furious that Sam wonders if she will punch him.

 

.

 

“I never want to see you again in my life!” Kara screams at Mike who is handcuffed to a door handle outside of the fancy hotel where the gala was held.

The gala is over. Authorities are on the way and Alex can’t decide if she hopes they arrive soon or if she should let her sister give Mike the verbal and not so verbal beating he deserves.

“If you ever come near me or Lena again, I’ll make sure Alex throws you into Guantanamo!” Kara is so angry, Alex is afraid she might actually use physical violence on Mike.

“Did you hear me?”

Mike doesn’t react, just hangs his head and stares apathetically into thin air. Kara is not someone who becomes easily angry or violent. In fact, Alex has never seen her this out of control, though, she knows her sister is the kind of deep water you shouldn’t test.

“Did you hear me?” she repeats, her voice hoarse from all the screaming and she takes a step closer when Mike still doesn’t react, “Look at me when I’m talking to you, you spineless piece of – “

“Ok, this is enough,” Alex takes a step forward, wrapping her arms around Kara’s chest to keep her from getting a hold on Mike.

“Let go of me,” Kara rumbles, thrashing in her grip, “He could have killed Lena. And you and Sam. I’m gonna –“

“As much as I think he deserves it, you can’t beat him up,” Alex tries to calm her, and – thank God – that is the moment when the police arrives to take him into custody.

When Mike is taken away, Kara wrenches out of her grip and storms over to the ambulance that already arrived and where Lena and Sam are sitting huddled into blankets, faces ashen from the shock. Alex hasn’t given herself the time, yet, to think about what could have happened. The adrenalin kept all those thoughts at bay but now that the situation is over and the danger averted and the tension is falling away from her, the realization of how close they got to all those horrible what-ifs is sinking in.

She pushes a hand through her hair then rubs one over her face and wills her heart to stay in her chest. Mike has been there to kill Lena. He took Sam hostage. He put a gun to her head and could have shot her and Alex could have done nothing than watch her die. Her hands start to shake. She could have lost Sam tonight and the thought alone is so horrible that she shakes her head to make it disappear. And then what about the things Sam said to him? Was she really talking about Ruby’s father? _Maybe she was talking about me?_ Slowly she raises her eyes from the pavement to look at her soulmate. The Bond expands so much in her chest it is painful. _What if she was really talking about me?_ The Bound wraps tighter around her heart. Lena and Sam sat in shared silence on the edge of the ambulance, holding hands,  but now Kara is coaxing Lena up and to their car. Sam is looking after them for a moment before catching Alex’ gaze.

Out of nowhere, Alex is hit by a storm of emotions and one image rushing through her head faster than the next: that Mike actually shot her, that Sam died, how she would have had to explain to a four-year-old child that her mother will never come back home, that she would have had to spend the rest of her life without her soulmate. But Sam is alive and sitting less than ten steps away from her and suddenly even that feels too far away. With a couple of quick steps, she moves towards her, balls her hands to fists and hopes the quiver in her voice sounds like anger and not sheer terror: “What were you thinking?”

Sam drops her gaze to the floor, wrapping the blanket tighter around her shoulders: “I was too scared to think.”

Alex is making wild stabbing gestures with a finger at the air in the direction where the police car is leaving: “He could have killed you!”

“I know.”

“You could have died!”

“I know.”

“What would I have told Ruby?”

“Stop, ok?” Sam snaps, whipping her head up, “I know what I did was reckless, and I know I could have – “ tears glisten in her eyes and she is brushing hair out of her face to hide that she is blinking them away, “But I’m not. I’m here.”

Without thinking further, Alex grabs one of her arms, pulls and when Sam stumbles forward, she wraps her arms around her in a tight embrace: ”Yes,” she rasps, blinking tears of her own away, “You’re here.”

_And I never want to let you go again._

It’s like a dam broke and without any warning Sam crumbles in her arms and starts to cry. Alex has been in life-threatening situations before. She is used to the bottomless drop that always settles in once the adrenalin wore off. The realization about how close you came to die is so overwhelming at times it makes her dizzy. But it never ever stops or isn’t there. Brushing up to death so close you almost felt his cold fingers is nothing you ever grow blunt to. And Sam – Jesus – Sam probably never came as close to death as today.

Alex presses her as close against her chest as she can, struggling to keep her from falling to pieces. And Sam cries and cries and cries until Alex’ shirt is soaked. Her tall frame is rattled by sobs and she is holding on so tightly it hurts. But Alex doesn’t mind. What she minds is that she let her soulmate get into this situation in the first place, that she didn’t stay by her side, that she didn’t protect her.

For the briefness of that moment, everything else falls away. Everything else but them is unimportant. A child, a wife, a Bound, it means nothing. They are just Sam and Alex and Alex places desperate kisses against Sam’s temple.

“Alex…oh God…Alex.”

“Shhh…It’s ok,” she mumbles soothingly, rubbing gently up and down her back, “I got you. You’re safe. I got you.”

Neither of them will remember how long they stood wrapped up in each other on the sidewalk. For a while afterwards, neither of them will realize that this is the moment, they started to dance on the line they set on the day in that coffeeshop. It’s a tightrope act and neither of them is good at balancing.

“No one is going to hurt you,” Alex says determined, “I promise.”

She is unaware that this is one of those promises she will never be able to keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter :)  
> tbc with: blooming


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